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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thank You...Jimmy Fallon Style

1. Thank you...Acorns, for returning to my driveway and announcing my arrival by making that bone cracking sound each time my tires run you over.  I know it's just a matter of time before you start attacking my windshield again, prompting me to hit the floorboard for fear I'm being shot at.

2. Thank you...Lucky Charms, for being so "magically delicious" that I felt the need to break out the big bowl and fill it up not once, but twice.  I'll be  pointing at you when my skinny jeans get tight again.  

3. Thank you... AMC's Breaking Bad, for cutting this season (that I just found out was the last) in half and making us wait another year for the ending.  Love that.    

4. Thank you...Sweet little wiener dogs of mine, for looking at me like I'm insane when I asked if you want to go out and then sneaking off and doing your nasty business in the dining room because you just didn't feel like going out in the wet grass.  I enjoy cleaning up your "accidents".        

5. Thank you...Parents in the school drop off/pick up line who are still holding up the line by doing God only knows what up there,  It's only been a month since school started back.  I'm sure you'll catch on sometime before May.   

6. Thank you...Shelton Fireworks, for your two ridiculously ginormous red stores strategically placed along I-85 in South Carolina. You know, as parents, we are going to cave to end the whining and begging coming from the backseat during our six hour road trip home.  I'll be calling you when they set the trees on fire.

 7. Thank you...DNC, for taking over Charlotte and my local news and radio. Yay!  

8. Thank you...People on Facebook who continue to post ALL your drama and your neighbor's too, I needed to hear about what a no-good lying putz your ex is one.more.time. 

9. Thank you...XM "commercial-free" radio that I PAY for, for playing commercials anyway.   

10. Thank you...Siri, for continuing to trick me by asking how you can help me and then turning my words into some foolish rubbish.  I'll take it from here, genius.  But if you have a cousin who understands southern accents, please give her my number.

Mama’s Losin’ It

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  1. Hard to miss the Fireworks palces aint it? I dont see any big boxes in the shopping cart.

    I havent started getting the acorns yet. I spose ours will start falling in the next couple weeks.

  2. Ha ha ha--yes, what is up with Siri? I understand her accent, why can't she speak southern!

  3. Hilarious! Ever step on those acorns on your driveway with bare feet? Acorns are covering our driveway and from time to time I have to run out there barefoot. Ouch!

  4. Girl...I so needed a good laugh this morning! You and Jimmy need to do a skit would be hilarious! I am in agreement with every one of your points! I, too, don't need to see private drama being played out on FB...just isn't the place. I know exactly where that fireworks stand is...we pass by it all the time when we go to my MIL's house. I can see how it could cause some issues for parents of little boys. Siri drives me BONKERS! I mean...can she not understand English for goodness sake?

  5. We passed some of those fireworks places over vacation, too! The husband was really tempted....

  6. I'm sorry, but lucky charms. It's totally my go to "dinner" - too many nights.

    The fireworks place? That would just piss me right off.

  7. The facebook part made me laugh. I've stopped getting on facebook very much because of the drama.

    New follower:

  8. Siri does me no favors either! I hope I really don't pronounce things like that. :)

    I LOVE Breaking Bad!

  9. Yes on the satellite radio!!! So NOT commercial free! And why are all the commercials for grey market viagra or gold? *clickin in from MamaKat*

  10. Better y'all over there than us over here, RE the DNC! I was perturbed they moved football to WEdnesday night!

  11. Mine would read something like...

    Thank You Mr. Construction Guy for leaving all of your debris all over the parking lot where I could drive my car with brand new two week old tires through it unsuspectingly. My wallet was getting just two heavy... and although I unloaded 200 dollars in ones 2 weeks ago to replace a tire already, I was really wondering how I'd ever get rid of the remaining $200. And now, my local retail tire establishment thanks you too.

    (I'm still a bit bitter... can you tell? Esp. since these guys have been doing this for months and no one seems to care.)

  12. Good laughs! I'm there with you about Siri. Add my braces lisp to my southern accent it's not a pretty picture.

    Last week I was laughing so hard I almost cried because Siri was cursing. Apparently what I was asking her sounded like s#@&. My youngest in the backseat kept saying, "what's so funny, mommy?".

  13. The Facebook drama cracks me up.

    Mmm, Lucky Charms. Love it. They also came out with Froot Loops with marshmallows. Love that too.

  14. And suddenly I feel grateful we don't own an acorn tree. Thank YOU, for this hilarious list.