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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick or Treat!

I feel so much better about my little slip up in the middle school drop off line a few weeks ago.  Because this morning?  I had to lay on the horn in the elementary school drop off to keep the car in front of me from rolling right smack back into me.  Missed me by a hair. I didn't even get upset though. Instead I felt validated.  Funny how that works, isn't it?  I was mostly just thankful I didn't have to get out of the car in my sweatpants because I've got a huge zit on my chin and my hair was a complete rat's nest. 

There is something so messed up about having to deal with the threat of zits and wrinkles at the same dang time.  It's just not right, I tell you.  Not right at all.  I think I know the culprit though.  I've been putting Vaseline with cocoa butter on my lips just before going to bed at night and suddenly I'm breaking out around the right side of my mouth.  Makes sense since that is usually the side that goes on the pillow first at night.  It's like I can't win for losing.  Woe is me.  

But enough about me and my first world problems.  It's Halloween!

Many of my older Halloween pics are pre-digital and I am not the least bit organized when it comes to photos.  Or anything else, for that matter.  I had this plan last week to compose a post of all the boys' past Halloween costumes but since they are 13 and 9 now and their Halloweens past go all the way back to 1999...well, let's just say that ain't gonna be happenin' today.  Maybe next year.  

I did, however, find a few older ones that I snapped photos of with my iPhone (yes, a picture of a picture but dragging the scanner out and all that mess requires a great deal of time and level of patience that I seem to be currently lacking)... 

When Devin was three (2002) he wanted nothing more in this world than to be Batman for Halloween.  The smallest Batman costume I could find was a little big for him but he could not have cared less.  He was Batman!  There is one particular photo of him in it that hung on the refrigerator for years. In it he had the most serious look on his face as he held his cape open on both sides as if to say, "I.AM.BATMAN!"  I so wish I could have found that one but I did find this one and well, it just makes me smile...
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman
Always be Batman
. ~Andy Biersack
The following one, from 2003 (Dracen's first) pretty much sums up his infancy...
Halloween wraps fear in innocence,
As though it were a slightly sour sweet.
Let terror, then, be turned into a treat...

~Nicholas Gordon

And this one from 2007, sums up his toddler/preschool years...
You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing.  What!  Is it nothing to be happy?  Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long?  Never in his life will he be so busy again.
 ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau
The following couple of years he became a little more serious about his costume business...

Clothes make a statement.  Costumes tell a story.  ~Mason Cooley
Devin, on the other hand, has most often preferred to be incognito, behind the mask...

There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.  ~Colette

Now go let your freak flag fly...

It's Halloween!

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Monday, October 29, 2012

The First Time...

This week's Monday Listicle is all about memorable FIRSTS. And I swear I felt my first earthquake this morning after returning home from taking the boys to school.  They aren't very common in these parts and although I've heard talk of minor ones a few times in the past, I have somehow always been oblivious to them.  But this morning as I was pouring myself a second cup, the house started vibrating and the windows were rattling and I yelled out to Charlie who had not left for work yet, "WHAT was that?"  

"It must have been an earthquake", he replied.  Well, there wasn't a big truck coming through the neighborhood nor a jet overhead, so what else could it have been?  How appropriate that I should experience my first quake just before making a list of firsts!  

1. First picture... April, 1971
2. First car ...1984 Mazda 626.  I was 18 before I got my driver's license.  After graduating high school in 1989, I spent the summer at my dad's house in Georgia where he helped me get my first ride.  I'm sure there's a picture around here someplace but that would require some serious tearing apart of the house this morning and I just don't have the energy. This is the closest thing I could find to it...

3. First part-time job...Making cold calls for Rainbow Vacuum Cleaners in an office full of chain smokers. My dad sold Rainbows on the side and lined me up my first job for that same summer I spent with them after graduation.  The boss, and everyone else in the office, smoked like a freight train.  (Thank God for the banning of smoking in public places!) Not to mention, he was one of the creepiest people I'd ever had the displeasure of crossing paths with.  I lasted all of two days.  

4. First full-time job...Receptionist for a chiropractor.  The man was off the charts Cu-raaazy! Oh, and he too was a chain smoker.  No wonder I hate smoking so much.  I lasted all of two months. 

5. First time out of the south...I was almost 25 years old when Darin and I took a trip to Las Vegas, where he also proposed.  I'm not a gambler but stuck a couple of quarters in a slot machine and won nearly two hundred dollars.  Only time in my life I've ever had that kind of luck.  

6.  First flight...Atlanta to Charlotte on Piedmont Airlines.  I was 17 years old.  And alone.  I remember feeling so grown up for the first time ever.   

7.  First concert...Def Leppard and Queensryche in 1988.... Pour some sugar on me! Ohh, in the name of love! Pour some sugar on me!  Come on, fire me up!   Excuse the blue haze over my ticket stub but it is taped inside the pages of the senior scrapbook from my 12th grade English class.  Why did I use blue???

8. First time in the ER...I was 14 and broke my collarbone playing Ghost in the Graveyard in the neighborhood one summer night (late bloomer).  I think that was the last time we all 'played' together. School started back and then I moved away to North Carolina at the beginning of the following summer. I will forever remember that night as the official end of my childhood.  

9. First date...I was 15.  We went to the movies to see Crocodile Dundee but I was so nervous, I could not have told you the first thing about the movie I had just supposedly watched.  

10. My first blog post... March 4, 2010: Shh...Listen.

And because I feel like breaking the rules today, I'm adding one more...

11. My first Dachshund...Because once a Dachshund lover, always a Dachshund lover. Just ask a Dachshund lover.  

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Friday, October 26, 2012

The one in which I went to cookie heaven

I don't know what possessed me to do it since I can't keep up with all the shows I'm trying to watch on t.v. right now but, as if I didn't have a million constructive things to do around here, I went on Netflix and started watching Downton Abbey. 

And who knew it was "Downton" and not "Downtown"?  For some odd reason, my brain chose to ignore the fact that the 'w' was missing every single time I saw it written.  I kept trying to figure out what they were saying, what with the thick accents and all. It finally hit me that they were saying "Down-ton." 

Ohhh...Who knew?  Probably everyone but me.  Either way, I am now hooked. Like I needed another time suck in my life.  

Speaking of time sucks, I subscribe to Oprah's newsletter because duh, it's Oprah, and I got this email from her yesterday telling me how time sucks are good for me so I clicked right over there to get my validation fix only to realize that the email had actually said, Time Sucks That Are Actually Good For You. 

You see, just like the missing 'w' my brain chose to ignore in Dowton Abbey, it also chose to ignore the fact that there was indeed a 'that' in this email subject.  My, how one little word can make all the difference.  

I read it anyway and much to my disappointment, my time sucks are all just that...time sucks.  Because in the very first one about playing with Slinkies, it also mentioned things like Pinterest and I zeroed right in on that word because duh, it's Pinterest.  

But then my buzz was killed when it went on to say that if you are procrastinating other things that really need doing, then you just need to knock it off and focus.  Pfft...Pulease! As if I didn't know that. 

I clicked through until I got to the one about collecting striped shirts because I do seem to have some odd infatuation with those lately but then it just got weird when they called it a "French new wave preoccupation" and told me to learn French instead.  

Come again?  Who writes this stuff?!  I wonder if I could get Oprah to hire me to write articles for her instead.  I think I'll make that my new goal.  Aim big, right?

Moving on...

I took Dracen to the grocery store with me on Tuesday afternoon and as we were pondering his school snack option on the snack aisle, I spotted a bag of Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Cheesecake Cookies.  

And let me tell you, it took all the restraint I had in my body not to go all Cookie Monster right there in the middle of the Food Lion. It was like this cookie was made for me.  Kinda like when you first lay eyes on your soul mate, you know?  

It was that kind of magic.

I tried desperately to downplay my excitement then turned to Dracen and said, "Look Dray, pumpkin cheesecake cookies.  Bet these would be good for your lunch dessert."  

He shrugged and focused his sights on little snack-sized cartons of Goldfish.  But I didn't give up that easily. Oh no. "But...but...I'll bet these are really, really good and they're limited edition."  And on that he was sold.  In the buggy they went.  

This is the way all the snacks get into my house.  For the children

Before all the groceries were even out of the car, my hand was in the Pepperidge Farm bag. 


There are no words. I am convinced that if heaven has cookies, these are it!  I think I heard a choir of angels singing.  

When Devin got home from school, I couldn't contain my excitement as I thrust the bag in his face and said, "Here, my child. You must try this at once!"  

He looked at me as if I had completely derailed but took a bite, nonetheless.  I watched, my mouth drooling, and waited patiently for him to begin thanking me profusely for rewarding him with a privilege such as this. 

But it never happened.  

He took another bite, then another, then said, "Eh, it's alright." 

I was crushed.  "You mean, you don't like it? Well, for all that is holy, child!  How can you be mine?! Do NOT throw it away.  Put it back in the bag and step way at once."  

I replayed this scene when Charlie got home, hoping surely someone else would share in my new found cookie joy.  "Eh, it's okay.  I mean, it's good but I'm not crazy for it."  Good?  It's 'GOOD'?!  

I spent the rest of the night and all of the next day conjuring up the willpower gods to keep me from inhaling the entire rest of the bag.  But I didn't need to worry because at some point Dracen put his hand in there and it was over.  

Finally! Somebody gets it, I thought

But what I said was, "Who ate all the cookies?!" 

So he went into hiding...

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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Yeah, I said that.

I don't know what other moms may or may not have caught themselves saying to their kids but I suspect most all of us have heard things shooting out of our mouths from time to time that make us cringe.  I was going to be the cool parent. You know, the one who somehow managed the perfect balancing act of disciplining calmly, without yelling, while still maintaining a tight, kindred friendship with my kids.  Yeah well, I don't have to tell you how that worked out for me.  I can, in retrospect, laugh and pity that poor little naive pre-mom-of-two-extremely-strong-willed-boys person I used to be. Bless her heart.  She didn't have a clue what she was in for.  

So here I will attempt to recall a list of ten crazy things I've, at one time or another, heard come out of my very own mouth...

1. "How the *bleep* did these flood lights get shot out?"  (And I was worried about them shooting their eyes out with that thing...Yes, yes they did shoot out the flood lights with a BB gun once.  On purpose.)  

2."What is that smell? It smells H in here!"  

3. "Why do I smell pee?  Have y'all been peeing off the porch again?!"  (Thank the good Lord, this one seems to be behind us!)

4. "Do not draw circles around your nipples with a Sharpie marker ever again. Or your brother's either!"  
5. "Y'all need to get out of my sight real quick 'cause I've only got one nerve left and I'm fixin' to LOSE IT!" 

6. "Y'all are gonna be real sorry when you put me in the hospital with a nervous breakdown." 

7.  "It smells like vinegar in here!  DRAAACEN!  Have you put an egg in vinegar AGAIN?!" (I cannot tell you how many times he has done this.  I did it once as a kid. Once was not enough for Dracen.  Just this week my kitchen got that funk again.  I finally found the egg in the vinegar ~apple cider this time...worst smell ever!~ in a wineglass, covered in a dishtowel in the corner behind the paper towel holder.)   

8. "Oh, you're gonna run away?  I better go down to the basement and get you a suitcase then. Where do you plan to stay?  And do you have a job lined up?"  
9. "No, I will NOT come look at the size of your turd!  Flush the toilet NOW.  That's disgusting!"

10. "Because I said so, that's why!" (the very one I swore...SWORE I'd never, ever say)

Mama’s Losin’ It

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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

45 Things...

1. Dracen informed me the other day that he is a "sleeping person" because he really loves him some sleep. 

2.I can attest to that each and every morning when I try to wake him. 

3. I can also relate.  

4. Too bad for me he wasn't a "sleeping baby". 

5. According to my mother, neither was I.  

6. Three years ago today we adopted the Darlings.  

7. They are now spoiled beyond repair.  

8. So I think I'll just keep them.  

9. I want my hair to look like Kate Beckinsale's in this photo.

10. Or like this girl's (I've no idea who she is). 
Diane via RenĂ©
11. Is that too much to ask?  

12. I finally got a pair of Tom's shoes

13. In navy.

14. I now want a pair in every color. 

15. Dracen told me last night that he has plans. 

16. For when he's older.

17. He's going to get a job when he's fifteen.

18. So that by the time he's sixteen and gets his license, he'll have money saved up to help buy himself a car.  

19. He's planning to go to Appalachian (ASU) and have a side job while he's in school.  

20. But he's decided that he's now 'undecided' on a career choice.  

21. Since he's not sure he still wants to be a Vet.  

22. I think it has something to do with the squirrel hunting he did at his Popaw's on Saturday.  

23. How is it that I have two boys who like to hunt?  

24. I think it's that whole "God has a sense of humor" thing again.  

25. He does, ya know.

26. Anyway, I told Dracen, "You're nine.  You don't have to decide today.  There's time yet. "  

27. Devin says he's joining the Army.

28. He's only thirteen so there's still time for a change of heart.  

29. I'd have to be heavily medicated what with the whole worrying problem I've got going for me. 

30. Have y'all seen that new show on ABC, Nashville, with Connie Britton?

31. I think it's my new favorite show.  

32. Somehow I never watched that other show she was in, Friday Night Lights.

33. I think I'm the only person on the planet who didn't. 

34. But I don't even like football.  

35. There, I said it. 

36. Why do we (because I know I'm not the only one...I've seen yours) feel the overwhelming urge to take photos of our feet when we are at the beach?

37. I don't even like my feet.  

38. But I took this when the boys were fishing off the pier at the beach the weekend before last.

39.  See that scar on my right foot?

40. That's from the pinning accident I blogged about last month.

41. I've grown slightly fond of it.

42. Is that weird?

43. I want this bracelet.

44. I found this post very insightful.

45. It really made me think about the people who have made me who I am. 

Happy Tuesday,

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Monday, October 22, 2012

10 Hallowiener Costumes

I may have been known to dress the Darling wieners up a time or two, taken photos of them and then posted them on this here blog.    I seem to have a thing for dogs in costume, especially wiener dogs. And we are all allowed a little bit of crazy every now and then, after all, aren't we?  

As I mentioned here awhile back, I was in TJMaxx when I spotted some football costumes for dogs and came this close to buying two of them, one for Brisco Darling and one for Lucky the Lemon Beagle but ended up passing since they did not have a cheerleader costume for Charlene. I was quite disappointed.  Thus far, I have not bought any of them a costume so they may get off scot-free this year. Though you never know what I may end up pulling out of the hat at the last minute.  

Anyway, this week's Monday Listicles topic is 10 Halloween Costumes so I thought I'd give you all a little taste of the crazy  Monday laugh by posting ten photos of wiener dogs in costume.  You are welcome.  

1. The Bumble Bee Wiener.  This was Charlene Li'l Bit Darling's costume in 2010 and she was not, as you can see, the least bit pleased with me over this whole ordeal.  In fact, I think she was wishing me dead at the precise moment I snapped this.   

2. Pretty Dachsie Pirate. I found this little pissed off beauty on Pinterest.  I want an English Cream Dachshund in the worst way.
Diane via Diana Sterling
3. Deputy Dachshunds.  "Git ya hands up!"

Diane via Saskia Niehorster

4. A Horse, Of Course. This is Brisco Darling on Halloween, 2010.  I laughed until I cried watching him try to walk in this before giving in to his pleading eyes by taking it off and placing him out of his humiliating state of misery.  

5. American Bobsled Hotdog Team. Wiener Dog Olympics? 
Via Costume Works
6. The Fairy Princess Dachsie. Here we have Charlene/Li'l Bit on last year's Halloween.  She has just about perfected the eat-sh*t-and-die look, don't you think?  

7. First Place Dachshund. I am dying here.
Via Buycostumes blog 

8. Wal-mart Shopper. This is so wrong.  
Via Pinterest
9. The Wiener Shark. This is Mr. Darling last Halloween.  He refused to even look at me.  

10.  The Superdachsie with Moxie. Yes, yes I did just post this photo on my Friday's post and the other one a time or two as well.  But this little guy just makes me happier than a bird with a french fry.

 Diane via Lois Bruno

Happy Hallowiener,

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