Grief Poetry

God's Voice

I still so vividly remember
standing in the street
on that cold day in December...
Even the shoes I wore on my feet

"She's in shock," someone said
and maybe this was so
but I was praying in my head,
"Oh please, God, please, God, no!

I didn't get to say goodbye
or one more "I love you"
How could you do this, God?
How could you be so cruel?"

I woke up the next morning
thinking maybe it was all a dream
I kept my voice to a minimum
but I really just wanted to scream!

Who were all these people
compassionately invading my space?
I was overwhelmed with the intensity
and depth of pain on every face

Some just came in and hugged me
because they didn't know what to say
I'll never forget the love
they showed to me that day

Many brought cakes and casseroles
and any kinda food you could want
They all asked me if I wanted to eat
but I always said, "I don't."

The day of the funeral was the next
hardest day of my life
After nearly ten years of loving him
I was suddenly no more his wife

I placed the three red roses there
on the casket to signify
our eternal love for a husband and father
that could never, ever die

Angels must have carried me
back across that road that day
My legs alone couldn't have done it...
There's just really no way

I took his little hand in mine
and carried the baby too
I somehow felt as if
that was the right thing to do

We'd walk away together...
a little family, now of three
Trusting that God had His reasons
for why this had to be

It's been a difficult journey
and continues to be so
and sometimes if I think too hard,
I sink down very low

It is at these times I pray
for God to ease my pain
and He reminds me once again
to use it for another's gain

So I'll continue to try
to carry on with dignity and grace
and when another feels this pain
I'll see it in their face

I'll say a little prayer first,
asking God to give me the words
Then I'll speak with love and empathy,
in hopes that God's Voice will be heard


~D.P. (2005)



Still...

Thinking back on yesterday
brings smiles and tears alike
Bittersweet...bittersweet
Missing you...still

Has it been that long
since you paused at that door
and gave me that last smile?
Seems it was yesterday, but a lifetime..still

Moving on has not been easy
I'm trying to let go
but I keep holding on
to the memories...still

I think that's okay
because I've told you to be free
I won't hold your spirit back
although I love you...still

I'm going to try again
to live life without fear
That's what it's all about
trusting, loving...still

I know that God is with me
and sometimes so are you
'cause love is everlasting
and I believe that...still

We'll meet again in eternity
when my name has been called
but for now I'll carry on here
and keep building, building...still

I remember what you said to me,
that beauty is all around
all I have to do is look
and I'm doing that...still

I see it in our children's eyes
and hear it in their laughter
It is in these moments
I feel so blessed and think of you..still

I'm looking toward the future now
and it's beginning to look brighter
I'll live again, I'll live again,
but I'll remember you..still

Diane (2005)


The Young Widow


The sun will rise tomorrow
just like it did today
The world goes on around me
I can't find the words to say
just how much that hurt at first
The anger overwhelmed me
How dare they carry on like that!
Could not the whole world see
that the center of the universe
was no longer there at all?
How could I continue to live
when I so much wanted to crawl
into a little hole somewhere
and never speak another word
to anyone about anything
They evidently hadn't heard
that the life I knew was over
I was left here all alone
My friend, my love, my soulmate
was now suddenly gone
out of this world, this life, without me
The light inside me had grown dim
I had never contemplated
the thought of losing him
It never really crossed my mind
He was so young and full of life
Always thought he'd be my husband
and I would be his wife
for at least another fifty or maybe sixty years!
They all said I'd find another someday
'cause I was still so young
I bit my tongue, but wanted to say,
that's the last thing on my mind
I have a gaping hole in me
and nothing can ever fill it
Now please stop talking and let me be
a grieving young widow and mother
I've got so much to figure out
about my life now and how I'll live it
Sometimes all I could do was shout
to God and the walls around me
and to the grass, and trees and sky
and even to the sun for shining!
Everything I'd ever believed now felt like a lie
told to me by some stranger
who'd briefly crossed my path
and left me feeling so bitter
The world would feel my wrath!
Then one day I realized
that my light inside still shone
only now it was much brighter
and that's when I knew I'd grown
I knew that I'd been given
a gift from God above
for now I really understood
the value of true love

~D.P. (2005)


Redbirds.


In the midst of my grief they came,
So many that I lost count
perched on the porchrail and in the trees
and flying all around

I stared at them in awe
through the tears that freely flowed
Their vibrance captured my attention
it was almost as if they glowed

At first I thought I was dreaming
for now my life was surreal
but then one flew over to me
and I knew I could still feel...

Could feel another emotion
other than soul wrenching pain
Was this maybe a sign
that the waves were on the wane?

The waves of grief, I mean...
still foreign to me then
that sweep you up and thrash you
again, and again, and again

So I stared at them in disbelief
and remembered how to smile
They fluttered their little wings and sang
and I watched them for awhile

They kept coming to me that year
whenever I needed a lift
Now every time I see one
I remember that special gift

I don't know how to explain it
or express it in beautiful words
All I can say is I'll never forget
the day God sent me... redbirds.

Diane (2005)


Learning to fly...


The journey of grief is not easy
Where has the innocence gone?
Although loved ones surround me
I'm traveling this road alone

For noone really knows the pain
I carry inside my heart
I found the life I dreamed of
only to have it ripped apart

I used to sit and wonder,
Why, God ? Why, me, why?
Guess some things I'll never understand
and I've learned not to try

I am beginning to see, though
that I'm stronger than I knew
I found a little hope in me
and it just grew and grew

You see? There's a light in all of us
and it's brighter than a star
God really does know what he's doing
and He knows who we are

He knows what we are made of
because He made us all
And He will always pick us up
and catch us when we fall

So, guess I'm really not alone
on this journey like I thought
for I'm a faithful believer
and I've found what I sought

What I'm trying to say is
Never be afraid to try
Don't give up on yourself
or stop learning how to fly

Diane (2005)


Grief Train


It's been over two years now
How is that really so?
I've been moving forward,
but suddenly am forced to slow

I'm riding that train again...
the one I thought was gone
That big ole train of grief
just won't leave me alone

I can sense when it's coming
'cause nothing much seems right
It takes me as its passenger
and turns my day to night

It takes me back there again
to that place I've come to dread
No seat there is comfortable
and those doors are heavy as lead

When they close in around me
all I can do is hold on
as I'm taken back to the past
and reminded of all that's gone

Somehow I always get off again
and catch my breath and breathe
I know his love's still with me
'cause a true love never leaves

It's the love that keeps me going
and nudges me along my path,
It reminds me to keep living
and to smile, and even laugh

It may sound strange to hear
but I'm thankful for that train
For each time it departs
I feel a new strength gained

The seat beside me is taken
for Christ sits by my side
He'd never leave me alone
on such a turbulent ride

When I open my eyes,
and arms and heart to Him
My grief train ride is over
and my light's no longer dim...


~Diane (2006)



Heavenly Embrace

My very soul was wilting away...
could barely muster the energy to breathe
I did not want to carry on here...
just wanted to be at peace

The moment I was alone,
the grief smothered and left me weak,
I was defeated by its asperity,
unable to wipe the tears from my cheek

Those tears felt like hot lava
and my heart like a molten rock
I felt trapped inside my own body ,
with no key to that forceful lock

I wanted to break away
from the shackles binding me
Desperate for alleviation...
just wanted to be free

My naivete had been dissolved
and my nerves were left exposed
I just could not conceive it....
how suddenly that door had closed

My spirit felt despondent
I had reached the moment of truth
So I prayed with all I had left
and now I'm living proof...

Living proof of what He can do
I prayed to Christ for help
and instantly it was given me
for His Loving Arms I felt

Words could never do It justice,
this Heavenly Embrace I received,
but a warm tranquility came over me...
A Love greater than I'd ever perceived

I was given just enough solace
to inspire me and give me the hope
I needed to continue on here...
I now knew I could cope

So if you ever find yourself facing
a storm you don't think you can bear,
remember to ask Him for guidance...
And my friend, He'll always be there

~D.P. (2005)


Waves of Grief
Don't be fooled by my stoic composure
for I've learned how to pretend
to hide this ever-present pain
that most can't comprehend
Oh, I do have sincerely happy times
that bless me now and then
But the grief is always with me
waiting to take me under again
It's most often the simple things
I'll remember he used to do
that catch me unaware
and leave me feeling so blue
One day it may be a photo
I've seen a thousand times before
that will start the waves crashing,
leaving me battered upon the shore
Another time it will be a memory
of something he said to me
and I'll feel the grief rise up
ready to take me back out to sea
The next time it could be a song
playing on the radio
that will take my breath away
and bring the tears back to a flow
Sometimes I'll see a father
playing with his son
and I'm reminded of all the things
I know he would have done
Grief is still a mystery to me
for I can't find the words to explain
something I don't fully understand
but yet I feel it, all the same
Once you've become its victim
you must learn to overcome
the big grief waves that hit you
and leave you feeling all numb
Looking back to the start
of where this sorrowful journey began
I see how far I've come
and I'm reminded of who I am
I'm a treasured child of God
being carried through these storms
I know He is always with me
and will never leave me forlorn
For it's these storms of life
that build our characters high
preparing us for the day
when we'll spread our wings and fly

-Diane (2005)


Little Moments...

He said, "just drop me off"
as we pulled up to the school
Second grade today...
Guess he wanted to be cool

I'm so very proud of him
and I know you would be too
He's so much like me,
but I often catch a glimpse of you

He said, "I'll miss you"
as he told his brother bye
It's those precious little moments
that leave me with a smile

It's not an easy job most days,
raising them on my own
I think God graces me with those moments
to remind me I'm not alone

Sometimes I still feel you near
and wish I could hear your voice
putting in your two cents,
then telling me it's my choice

I'm more independent now
that I ever dreamed I could be
Though life is still a great challenge
and filled with mystery

I welcome those challenges now
and will take them on, each one
I'll keep you in my heart and God in the lead
until I know my work here is done

~D.P. (2006)



Bittersweet Life

It's Fall again and the weather is cooler,
Always loved this time of year
The sky is so blue and the clouds so white
And the holidays will soon be here

There is so much beauty around me...
The leaves are beginning to turn
I know I should just be filled with joy
but I cannot help but yearn...

For there is still a void in my life
and while it seems I'm doing just fine
Days like today still happen
and mother nature's invite, I must decline

It's hard to believe how much time's elapsed
since you took your last breath on this earth
Yet sometimes it seems a lifetime ago,
you stood there smiling at the front of that church

You were such an amazing person,
filled with passion, talents and charm
And some days I still get so angry
though I've accepted the way that things are

I know how very blessed I was
to have been loved by someone like you
There was an instant bond between us
The moment we met, I think we both knew

I thank God for all my memories of you
and for every smile you put on my face
Days and months and years can pass
but some things time just can't erase

I've asked myself the question,
"Would I do it over had I known?"
And of course I would, a million times over,
for my faith and love have only grown

All the pain and grief and sorrow
that are felt by such a great loss
are comforted by an immeasurable love
from He who suffered there on the cross

Beause of Him and His love for us,
our lives on earth are only the start
And it's this Promise that keeps me afloat
for I know our souls are never far apart


~D.P. (2006)