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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

At least I wasn't in my pajamas

I've had a few (okay, a lot of) embarrassing moments in my life.  For one thing, I'm not that hard to embarrass.  I've always envied those people who are not easily embarrassed. You know the ones (my husband is one of them) who just possess this magical ability to not only laugh but crack jokes on their own behalf and make everyone else laugh too when they suddenly find themselves in the midst of a moment that would make me want to vanish into thin air, leaving nothing but a puff of smoke behind. 

You see I can do it later, after the right now.  Now, when I'm out of the humiliating situation and back here away from all the curious eyes upon me.  It is now that I begin to think of other things I could have said, like how embarrassed I was for one.  Why don't I have the ability to just come right out and say, "I am so embarrassed right now" when I've just accidentally done something really stupid? 

I suspect you are now beginning to wonder where in the world I'm going with this so here's the story...

If I've said it once I've said it a hundred thousand times...I struggle with early mornings.  No surprise there.  It takes every ounce of willpower in my five foot four body to get my tail out of that bed each morning before the sun rises, make sure both boys get up and dressed, pack a lunch, make breakfast, brush my teeth, run a comb real quick through my hair and throw on some clothes before heading out the door at 7:15 ish a.m. 

If I'm real lucky I'll be able to get a few sips of coffee in me before time to go and this morning I did.  Not enough to wake me up, apparently, but I did get a few sips of the Folgers before we left so I cannot blame this on complete lack of caffeine.  

First we drop Dracen off at the elementary school since the tardy bell rings there at 7:35, a fact that still pisses me off each time I see it in writing. Next we head over to the middle school and get in line since the doors there do not even open until 7:35.  And  the schools are less than a mile apart.  Genius, I know. 

So this morning I pulled in behind a brand new shiny Volvo in my five year old paid for Saturn and began fishing around in my purse for my iPhone...

Okay let me stop right here for a minute to say, in my defense, I am not one of those people who texts and drives or whips out my phone at inappropriate times.  Because I am so not.  I admittedly have a bit of an addiction to my phone (just like everyone else) but I know where the boundaries lie and give it my all to stay within them.  

But Devin puts his ear buds in as soon as we get in the car each morning so while we are waiting in line I take that opportunity to check emails and sometimes facebook...

Well, this morning we had just pulled in (behind the brand new shiny Volvo) that I didn't even pay any attention to at the time, and began fishing around in my purse for my iPhone when suddenly there is a bang out of nowhere, Devin is shouting, "MOM!!!" and I look up to see that I have indeed rolled right into the brand new shiny black (I notice the color now) Volvo. So I scream. 

Yes, literally.  I screamed.  Then I got my wits about me...okay, not really...but, enough to know to put the car in Reverse and get off the Volvo's bumper.  I then procceded to get out of the car which pained me deeply...the getting out of the car part. 

Because first of all, there were a lot of cars in that line and as sure as my name is Diane, I knew darn well there was at least one, if not fifteen, people in that line who knew me. I'm just thankful to God above that I had put on a bra and some actual clothes because I came this close to going out in my pajama top and hoodie this morning.  

But still...I certainly was not dressed for success.  Nope.  I threw on a pair of sweats (the kind that only come down to the calves) a long sleeve gray t-shirt and the nearest shoes I could find, which just so happened to be a pair of flats. 

And not just any ol'  pair of flats either. These bad boys have sequins.  Because everybody knows that sequined flats are the perfect way to add a little flair and interest to your "I just rolled outta bed" look.  

The lady got out of the brand new shiny black Volvo, threw up her hands and said, "Brand New Car...Brand.New.Car!" 

And it was in that precise moment that I wanted to die. 

Okay, so I'm being melodramatic.  I didn't really want to die but I did very much want to click the heels of my sparkly shoes in an attempt to vanish into that puff of smoke.

Or at the least just come up with something better to say than, "I'm sorry...I'm so, so, sooo sorry!" over and over and over, followed by, "Well, I don't see any marks." and "I never do things like this."

She did not see any marks either but still wanted my insurance information because she said she knew her husband would ask if she got it so after letting Devin out (who I am quite sure was praying really hard that he'd too go Poof...bless his heart) I was forced to pull over in a parking space and get out so ALL the people in the very long line of cars that were behind us could get a good look at me, just in case they hadn't already, and give her a piece of paper on which I had shakily scribbled down my name, phone number, and insurance information.  

Now please make me feel better by telling me about one of your most embarrassing moments.  

I will love you forever, 

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  1. Sorry about your mishap this morning. When I took my daughter to school I always had on my pj's and robe!! I prayed I never got pulled over by a cop, in an accident or had a breakdown. My "moment" most embarrassing was when I was younger and wore two different shoes into the club. A red one and a black one. My red one was my driving shoes. Everyone was looking at me when I walked in - I thought I must look good. I about died when I went to the bathroom and looked down!

  2. OH lawd, thank goodness there were no marks! Can you imagine the h-e-double hockey sticks you would have come down on you had you scratched up a brand new car?! Me...I don't have embarassing moments. I'm all kinds of class all the time. Just ask my husband. *grin*

  3. I flew to Arizona with a machine I designed to remove miniature material samples. When they decided where to pull the samples I set it up, turned it on, and it just sat there. I never pulled a single sample.

    I feel for ya.

    Hopefully her husband doesnt find a scratch either.

  4. Yikes. Since I was rear ended twice in one month a couple years ago...I feel for ya even though I was on the receiving end.

    Most embarrassing? How much space do I have to write?

    Probably the worst was back before we got married we had this psycho German shepard who loved getting into the laundry. One day she arrived downstairs in the middle of a dinner party with my dirty underwear in her mouth. Oh yes, that was. Awesome.

    There's also the time I was half asleep changing the baby and got poo on my sweater sleeve and didn't notice UNTIL I sat down at the table in front of a guest. Ah yes, lovely.

  5. I have had so many embarrassing moments I don't even know where to begin! Maybe the time I was dressed somewhat like you except add in flip flops WITH SOCKS (it was cold but I was in a hurry) OF COURSE I ran into my high school boyfriend at the gas station.
    Hope they don't pursue the insurance junk! Oh and you ROCKED those sequined shoes. =D

  6. You are certainly not the only one who has done that! I'm just glad there wasn't any damage and also that you weren't wearing pajamas. ;)

  7. Did that last spring, but there was damage...major damage!

    Folgers Smolgers... I can tell you where to get the good stuff...not far from you...its like coffee crack!

  8. I have been wracking my brain to come up with the key most embarrassing moment for you, but alas... there are far too many.

    I will just tell you that while getting on the expressway today I got into the line of traffic from the on ramp only to find it was a funeral procession. I immediately went into the neighboring lane while the guy was screaming out his window at me, and I was screaming sorry back. Oops.

    But seriously, I missed the next four exits because I couldn't get past it. They purposely blocked all on and off traffic with their cars (speeding up and slowing down) for 6 exits (about 10 miles) without a police escort. (I don't even think that's legal...) and then I finally get to the hertz and see that it is for a veteran.

    Now I feel even worse.

  9. Oh my gosh! I'm not sure which is more funny....Devin was humiliated, you had on sparkly shoes, or that it was a brand new Volvo!

    I've worn horrible things to car line. Once I wore my pajama pants with eggs and bacon on them. One of my BFF's... since high school... called me to ask, "what are those fancy pj's you're wearing".

    Another time, I wore my capri length "pink" sweats with "pink" written across my butt. I ended up having to go into the school for something?" ... the small Christian school none the less.

  10. Eek! That sounds like something that I'd do. At least you were dressed. That is something. And cute shoes!

  11. I like the shoes! I've got some good ones revolving around interviewing while still in college. Once I broke the 3 inch heel off my shoe before an interview and had to hobble into the interview without the heel. I tried to beg and plead with other women at the student center to borrow a pair but there were no takers. Another time, walking down the newly waxed wood stairs out of an interview I slid down a few steps and landed on the landing, sprawled out with my skirt hitched up to my waist. It was mortifying. I think I picked myself up and ran the hell out of there.