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Monday, October 25, 2010

Did she just say levitate?

Is it just me or is it like 10 times harder to work out at home than at the gym?

Because I just did two back to back workouts on Fit tv and I think I may need an ambulance. 

It's Monday.  It's raining.  I was feeling extra lazy.  So I bargained with myself until I came to the decision to opt out of getting myself presentable and making the 20 minute drive to pilates class. 

"Let's see what's on Fit tv."  I said to myself.  "Oh goody!"  Shape Up is coming on now, followed by Core Max and then Stretch Max. "I'll do all three! It'll be a piece of cake!"

I was swearing at the t.v. about halfway through Core Max.  Okay that was a lie.  I was swearing during the first exercise of Core Max.  Needless to say, I did not make it to Stretch Max.  I collapsed into a heap and hit "record" as soon as the credits started rolling on Core Max.

 I first started working out when I was in high school after buying a Jane Fonda book, complete with illustrations of perky, perfectly fit, smiley Jane in her leotard and legwarmers and have belonged to countless gyms over the years so I'm pretty familiar with most exercises you throw at me and thought I had done, or at least attempted to do, most all of them at some point in my life. 

But never, NEVER, had I seen or attempted the levitation move that this crazy Fit tv chick did today.  She sat in the crossed leg position and lifted her entire lower body up off the floor with her arms and repeated about 15 times.  And made it look easy as pie. 

WHAT THA?!  Levitate?  Did she just say LEVITATE?!  Freak!

NOT an easy move for a woman with long, lanky arms and a big ole booty.  In fact, it was impossible.  The arms would.not.lift.the.booty. 

I did finish the workout but not without a lot of whining.  I would never whine like that at the gym...God, I'm burning up!...You want me to do THAT?  BaHaHaHaaa!   Oww....Lady, you're INSANE!   Are you TRYING to kill me?!

It also didn't help that there was a big comfy couch right there in front of me,  or two wiener dogs jumping and climbing all over me and licking me in the face and a laptop and a blackberry calling my name from across the room.

My living room is where I'm supposed to watch too much junk t.v.while facebooking, blogging,drooling over cute shoes on zappos and playing Free cell on the laptop relax, be myself and spend time with my family.  It should not be a room associated with sweat, torture and impossible levitation exercises. 

Speaking of junk t.v., I paused on Fear Factor the other day.  I didn't even know that crap show still came on but there it was...two couples were transferring big giant hissing cockroaches from one container to another.... via their mouths.  And all for a shot at 25 thousand dollars. 

25 thousand dollars. I wouldn't put a moldy pop-tart in my mouth for that.  Okay...maybe I would but definitely NOT a hissing cockroach!  No way.  No how.  Nooo.  

Then I was watching Amazing Race last night and they were eating a roasted sheep head and the one girl was a vegetarian and had not eaten meat in over 20 years. 

Yet she gobbled down that head like it was nothing more than a garden salad while mumbling under her breath...mind over matter...mind over's just a cucumber...that's all...just  a cucumber...  The "cucumber" she was pretending to eat was actually an eyeball.  A flippin' eyeball! 

Maybe I should try that mind over matter thing the next time I don't want to go to the gym in the rain and find myself in the living room in front of the t.v., trying to levitate my butt off the floor! 




  1. LMBO! I just inflated the Body Ball that's been sitting in the box in my closet for over a year. I did pelvic lifts on Saturday and my abs and a** still hurt. I think I'll just eat salad & exercise vicariuosly through your posts.

  2. I can work out at home but not at the gym, but I also always choose the easiest tape I have out of laziness! I bought that Jane Fonda book back then too and then her first workout tape after that!

    I saw The Amazing Race last night too and I thought what good was 22 years of vegetarianism if you can eat meat that easily?

  3. I'm so glad I have never watched Fear Factor. Those shows where people do weird stuff for money are scary.

  4. I am so bad at any form of exercise.

    I'd gag if I had to eat an eyeball.

  5. I could never eat that kind of junk! That's one of the main reason's I could not be on my favorite show "Survivor":)

    I drove to the
    Ymca last week to do the Zumba class. I was tired and decided to turn around and come home. But, my friend saw me and waved. I was stuck! I couldn't leave. I confessed that to her later in the week. She said she was about to do the same thing! HaHa!

    There's this one thing we do in Zumba that makes me have to pee instantly. I make sure to go really good before that class, now. Working out is definitely not for sissy's especially if you plan to levitate. LOL

  6. Oh, my gosh - too funny! At least you woke up for your work out - I slept right through my alarm and woke when I had to get my daughter up for school! eeek.

  7. For me, I can't do home workouts. Because I quit too easily. No one notices if I stop and eat a twinkie. Or 4.

  8. I'm sadly also ignorant of the levitation method of working out - but maybe that's why I'm in such bad shape!