Heroes Don't Always Wear Capes

Most of us learn the word "hero" at a very young age.  When I was a little girl I thought of a hero as someone who wore a cape and saved the day with the help of such things as magical swords and golden lassos.  Yes, I was a huge Wonder Woman fan and I had the Underoos to prove it.  


Later on I began to think of a hero as someone who put his or her life at risk for a living and for the sake of making the world a safer place.  A hero was the fireman rescuing a complete stranger from a burning building, the police officer fighting to keep crime off the streets, the soldier serving his/her country and the surgeon saving a life with highly skilled and capable hands.   


And while yes, I still agree (and who doesn't?) that all those people are heroes, I also know now that heroes come in many forms and I have been blessed with many in my life...


A Hero Is...


The mother who sacrifices her own needs over and over again so that her children will have a better, easier life than she had.


The father who vows to always tell his children he loves them and to never forget to call and send cards every single year on their birthdays.  


The woman who welcomes her new husband's young daughter into her heart, home and arms and loves her as her own.  


The woman who has to bury her youngest son, as no mother should ever have to do, yet still manages to get out of bed every day, put one foot in front of the other just as she always has and to make helping her son's widow and young children her number one priority.


The man who starts over in life not only by marrying a widow with two young sons but by also forming strong bonds with the parents and extended family members of her late husband.   


The small town man who has to bury his youngest son, as no father should ever have to do, yet goes on to open his mind and his home to the stranger his daughter-in-law eventually meets and grows so fond of.   


The divorced man with no children of his own who steps in and becomes like a favorite uncle to the young sons of the best friend he just lost.

A hero is the person who, no matter what harsh realities life has dealt him/her continues to press on...to carry out each day in an ever-changing world that is so full of unpredictable, terrifying possibilities...  


A hero is the friend who is always there just when you need her most,  the father who tries his best to never miss a game or awards ceremony, the single mother raising her kids on her own, the man who works his hardest every single day at a job he doesn't even like in order to support his family, the teacher who truly cares and is passionate about teaching and making a difference in the life of each and every child in her classroom, the woman living with a chronic illness/disability who still manages to smile and spread optimism and encouragement everywhere she goes, the man who volunteers his time at the soup kitchen, the woman who rescues dogs...


Unsung heroes are everywhere and I'm guessing chances are pretty good that you are most likely somebody's hero yourself.  So thank you. 


Thank you for being you.  

25 Happiness Tips...

1. Believe that everything in life happens for a greater purpose.  


2. Focus on your strengths and forgive your weaknesses.


3. Learn to really see and appreciate the beauty of nature.  


4. Never turn down the chance to pet a friendly animal even if you can't have a pet yourself.  


5. Learn to laugh at yourself.


6. Just say no to negative people/attitudes.  


7. Pray often.


8. When someone is being difficult to deal with, try your best to imagine yourself in his/her shoes instead of allowing hate and anger to build.


9. Always try to find forgiveness in your heart.  


10. Never allow yourself to grow bitter or cynical for fear of being rejected or having your heart broken.  The world is full of people and animals who not only need love but have so much of it to give. 


11. Remember that everything is temporary.


12. Learn to appreciate what you have by imagining just for a moment what your life would be like without all the people and conveniences we are all guilty of taking for granted on a daily basis.  


13. Be respectful not only to strangers but to yourself and the ones you love the most.


14. Say no to commitments you do not feel are a good fit for your life and your personality.


15. Refuse to be sucked in to negative gossip.


16. Decorate your home only with things you truly love and that make your heart smile when you look at them.


17. Be kind and do good without expecting something in return.


18. Don't deny yourself the things you love.  Just remember moderation is key.


19. Always be true to yourself and try your very best to not compare yourself to others. God made you the way you are for a reason and you are special. Believe it!


20. Learn to accept and let go of what you know you cannot change.  


21. Hold precious memories in your heart but never allow yourself to live in the past.


22. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself and for that you believe is right.


23. Try harder not to judge. Just because someone doesn't believe what you believe does not mean they are wrong....just different.


24. Do at least one thing every single day that makes you smile.  


25. Keep your eye on the destination but remember to enjoy the ride.  

Just In Case You Ever Wondered...

Why did you start this blog?   It was a spur of the moment kind of thing.  In the beginning I thought I would just share parts of my experience with grief in hopes that someone who was going through it may stumble upon it and find some hope and comfort in my words.   I honestly never thought I'd keep it up or that it would become so much a part of me.   


Why the obsession with Dachshunds/wiener dogs?  It started with Dixie Dog who came into my life as a puppy in 1995.  I fell not only in love with her, but in love with the breed as well. Dachshunds are typically fearless little spitfires with great big personalities, despite their short little legs and small size.  I'm partial to the long haired ones but I've never met one I didn't love. 


Why don't you become a foster for one of the Dachshund rescue groups?  See last sentence of my answer to the previous question.  I've thought about this a lot and my fear is that I would not be able to part with any of the little wieners I'm fostering.  It does not take long for me to become attached to one.  


Did you always want to be a stay home mom?  No. I never thought I would be.  My mother always worked outside the home and I assumed I would do the same.  Right up through the end of my first pregnancy I had no desire to stay home full time. But everything changed the minute they placed that little baby boy in my arms.  I knew I was going to do everything in my power to get to the point where I could spend my days with him.  


Now that your boys aren't babies or preschoolers anymore, have you thought about going back to work?  Yes.  If I had not met and married Charlie, I most likely would have had to do that by now.  When we got married in 2008 Dracen would be starting kindergarten soon and I told Charlie that I supposed I would need to get a job soon but that I had no idea what kind I would get.  And he, being the wonderful man and husband he is, told me he didn't want me to get a job just for the sake of getting one...only if it was something I was truly passionate about.  And so far, I haven't been struck with that kind of passion for anything outside my family and home. 


Did you ever think of having a third child?  A girl, perhaps? I always thought I'd have just two children...A boy first and then a girl.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that Devin was going to be Devin from the moment I knew I was expecting.  And I felt almost as certain that Dracen was going to be Darcy right up until that ultrasound that proved me wrong.  After it sunk in though, I was more than okay with being a mom of boys and still knew that I only wanted to have two babies.  So when I had my c-section with Dracen, I also had a tubal ligation.   Never in a million years did I imagine that I would find myself widowed in just five months' time and married five years later to a man with three  children of his own, thus making us a couple with five children between us... Four boys and one girl (Ages: 24, 22, 18, 12, & 8)!  


If you could recommend only one book (besides the Bible) to someone going through a difficult time, what book would it be?  Embraced By The Light by Betty Eadie.  The best word I can think of to describe how I finally came to read that book (published in 1992) in the year 2000 is...Serendipity.  Plain and simple.  Serendipity.   Also, not that you asked, but I think that is my absolute favorite word....Serendipity.  I love the way it rolls off my tongue and suggests something otherworldly. 


Have you always had such a strong faith in Christ?  No.  I mean, as far back as I can remember, I have believed that God exists and learned the story of Jesus at a very young age but my faith has grown and strengthened by leaps and bounds over the years.  There were times in my life when I questioned His existence and did not make time for Him in my life but I always came back.  Finally, for good.  


Can you think of one defining moment in your life (a sort of Aha moment) that solidified your faith?  Yes.  Two, actually.  The first was when I read Betty Eadie's book I mentioned above and the other came just a few days or so after we lost Darin.  I was sitting in the bathtub and was so wrought with grief that I could hardly breathe or even move.  It felt like someone was crushing my windpipe and slowing sucking my soul out through a straw.  It was the most excruciating pain I have ever known.  I struggled to even find the words to pray so I just asked Jesus to help me...to please, please help me.  And I felt Him take me in His arms and give me the strength I needed to carry on.  It's very hard to put into words what I experienced in that moment but I knew that somehow, someday, everything was going to be okay.  


What is the best advice you can give someone who is struggling with grief or some other form of pain in his/her life right now?  
Just to be gentle with yourself and to take it one day at a time...One day at a time...  Your heart will smile again and your light will shine again, only this time much brighter than you ever imagined it could.  


*This post was written for Mama Kat's Writers Workshop prompt,  Create an FAQ page for yourself that answers frequently asked questions if people were to frequently ask you questions. People make those up all the time. YOUR TURN!   


Also linking up with Jenny Matlock for Alphabe-Thursday!  

Yet Still...I Give My Consent

There's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt I keep over there to the right on this blog that I think is so introspective, wise and just very, very true... 

"No one can make you feel inferior

 without your consent."

I believe that with all of my heart.  Yet I still struggle with the concept on a daily basis. Comparing ourselves to others is not healthy nor productive so why do so many of us do it? There is always going to be someone a little prettier, a little smarter, a little wittier, a little more creative, a little more charismatic. Or a lot more of whatever particular trait/talent we are currently obsessing over. 


I've always been guilty of it.  Sometimes more than others but that nagging voice of insecurity is always there whispering in the background and trying its best to put the smack down on me and leave my soul in a funk. 


There are just some individuals in this world who appear to be blessed with an abundance of natural gifts and talents.  They appear to know just what to say and just when to say it and success seems to follow them wherever they go.  Things come easy for them.  Or at least that's the way it looks to the rest of us who find ourselves struggling to even discover what our true gifts are.  And even wondering, at times, if we ourselves actually possess any.


When I graduated high school (way back in 1989), I had no idea at all what I wanted to do with my life.  None.  I knew I was going on to college...a community college, followed by a university... but I had no inkling whatsoever as to what my major would be.  I assumed it would come to me once I began taking various courses.


It didn't. 


Ever.  


Finally, I made the decision to major in Criminal Justice but really only because it was the least boring class to me at the time. And after graduation I found myself working at a finance company...  making loans, collecting payments, and everything else in between. 


And I hated it.  With an almost burning passion.  


I went on to become a mother and then into business with my friend who owned a florist and while I quickly discovered that I was pretty good at designing/arranging flowers, it was not something I felt I was born to do for the rest of my life. And the business end of it? Was like a thorn under my pinkie nail.  


Since May of 2003 I have been a stay home mom. And I am thankful for the opportunity...


When Darin died in December of '03 my world was, of course, thrown completely off center and I found myself in a state of bewildered shock, grief, denial and the most overwhelming pain imaginable. It was as if I was drowning and just when I thought the pain was about to subside, someone would push my head back under water again.  And again.  And again. And yet again.  


Yet, as painful and trying as those days were, it was during them that I began to discover and truly see the best parts of myself.  I was tougher than I thought.  Stronger than I thought. Steadier than I thought. Better than I thought.


By the grace and love of God and the strength and power of my own spirit, I finally made my way out of those rough waters and began my life anew.  But going through something like that changes you forever and in ways you cannot even imagine until you yourself have lived it.  


For quite some time you are (or at least this was true for me) so darn proud of yourself that you just want to walk around patting yourself on the back and shouting to the world how you overcame that big, bad, nasty, life storm.  


Then one day you start to forget...not the grief and the pain or the person or whatever it was that you lost... but you start to forget how proud you were of you and that self doubt and inferiority complex creeps back in as you once again begin to compare yourself and your abilities to others...and ask yourself questions like, What truly great thing have I accomplished lately? or Am I setting a good example?...being the best me that I can possibly be by putting my true gifts to good use for the sake and benefit of others? 


I still don't know what my true, natural talents are...my spiritual gifts bestowed upon me by God...the ones I'm supposed to be using to make the world a better place.  There are a lot of things I think I'm okay at or even pretty good at. But exceptional at?  I'm still searching for that one while trying to remember and take to heart those wise, wise, words of Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt...


"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."...

**Linking this post up with Shell today for Pour Your Heart Out.

Life is Art...

Sitting down and putting together a blog post has been exceptionally difficult for me lately and I can't quite put my finger on why because the boys are still being boys, the wiener dogs are still being wiener dogs and I still have a million thoughts running through my mind at any given time.  


Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've still been making over furniture like a mad woman with a paint brush and a piece of sandpaper in hand or maybe it's simply because I have become too hard on myself.  I'll think of writing something and then I'm all, "no, you don't want to write about that...that's boring! Who would want to read that?"


I really must learn to silence that inner critic.  Easier said than done, right?


Devin is taking an art class as an elective this year in his first year of middle school (which by the way, is going very well so far, thank the good Lord!) and I could not be more pleased with his choice because he has never shown much interest in anything much other than sports and video games.


I  always wanted to be a good artist when I was younger but back then I simply defined an "artist" as someone who could draw well and as much time and effort as I put into it, it just never came easy for me so I eventually gave up trying.  Instead I focused on other things, like learning to play clarinet, twirl a flag, apply my makeup, accessorize with the best of them, or style my big ol' 80's hairdo to perfection.  


Yet I never saw those things as art.  I never saw my ability to put together cute little outfits or my ability to pick up on reading music and learning to play an instrument with ease as art.  I couldn't draw worth a flip so I wasn't an artist.  


But lately, I am beginning to see and understand that the definition of  "artist" is made up of so much more...


I shared the following words that I found at pinterest in my post on Monday...
I


I believe everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality.  What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel.  Life is art. 



I have no idea who those words belong to but when I first read them, I had sort of an Aha moment because there is so much truth in them.  Whatever you do that makes you feel the best...the most alive, whether it be working in your garden, teaching, taking pictures, cooking, writing, or painting a piece of furniture, is most likely coming from the artist within your soul and is one of your true gifts from God.  


So please, by all means, do more of that because (from the brilliant words of Howard Thurman) "what the world needs is people who have come alive"...

Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.  ~Amy Lowell

The Best Things in Life are Simple...

Do you ever think what it would be like to have a time machine and go back about a hundred or a couple of hundred years to experience how our ancestors lived?  Or about what a time traveler from the distant past would think of our world today if they suddenly found themselves in the year 2011?  


We are living with and depending on things...machines... they would have found unimaginable, much less possible, a hundred years ago.  Heck, we are living in a world I couldn't have imagined just 20 years ago!  


I can't remember the last time I actually picked up the phone to call a friend to make plans.  Several years ago we started emailing instead of calling and now instead of emailing we facebook or text.  And many times we seem to be perfectly content to allow our relationships to go on existing solely in the virtual world.  


Yes, it's convenient to be able to pop in and out of facebook, check to see what everyone is up to, take a quick look at pictures from their recent family vacation, give them the ol' thumbs up and then go on about our business which consists of pressing buttons, nuking food, and catching up on our favorite shows that our good friend, the DVR, was so nice to record for us while kicked back on our comfy sofa with a blanket because our good friend, the AC, is keeping our house a nice cool 73 degrees although it's a humid 93 outside.  


It seems that in the process of simplifying our lives, making them easier, we have somehow lost simple altogether.  


We are spoiled.  


And while I'm not saying that I want to or am about to give up my air conditioned car for a donkey or my washer and dryer for a washboard and a line, or certainly not my blackberry, laptop,  microwave, central vacuum, and dishwasher to go live off the land in a cabin in the faraway woods, I do sometimes miss or long for a simpler time.  


When I think of the moments throughout my life in which I have felt the most joy, happiness, and contentment, I don't see or hear any of my high efficiency appliances working for me while I'm kicked back watching Netflix on my laptop...


I see smiles on faces I have known and loved...


I hear katydids at dusk and smell fresh cut grass and the sweet honeysuckle that grew at the edge of the woods behind my childhood home and the laughter of my very best friend as we ran and twirled and caught lightning bugs and put them in a mayonnaise jar with holes we'd poked in the lid so they could breathe...


I smell my freshly bathed boys when they were babies, hear their sweet voices when they spoke their first words and see their chubby little legs and gap-toothed grins as they took their first steps... 


I hear ocean waves crashing against the shore and smell the salty air and feel my toes in the sand and the warm sun on my face...


I feel the warmth and strength of the arms who have held, hugged and loved me...


I see the loving, trusting brown eyes and the excited, wagging tails and elated "welcome home" barks of all the dogs in my life, past and present...


and feel the silky softness of their fur beneath my hands and against my face...


I remember the surprised joy of going to the mailbox and finding an unexpected card or letter from a friend or family member with precious words written by their very own hands... 


I hear the scratchy sound of a 45 playing on the record player and my little girl voice, along with my sister's or my friend's, as we belted out the words to Rod Stewart's You're In My Heart or Elton John's Crocodile Rock into our hairbrush or bedpost finial microphones...


I smell wild onions and remember pretending to bake a pie out of them on the back patio and feel the wind on my face and in my hair as I rode my big yellow bike down the big hill behind my house...


I taste the many homecooked meals and desserts prepared for me with loving hands and see and hear the happy faces and voices coming together around the dinner table...


I feel laughter so deep it hurts my belly and leaves streaks of tears on my cheeks...


I recall the sights, tastes, sounds, smells and feelings of little everyday things that make life worth living and I know that no matter how big this world gets or how much easier our lives are made by technology, it will forever and always be these simple things our souls crave the most, even when we are absolutely convinced it's going to be that new iPhone or trip to the wonderful world of Disney that will satisfy us most...


So go ahead and respond to that text, send that tweet out, and press that button but don't forget to pause, appreciate, and thank God for all those priceless little moments and simple little things that can never be bought yet somehow never fail to make your whole heart smile.

Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are.  When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.  ~Lao Tzu

This post was written for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, Prompt 1.) The Simple Things...

The Ties That Bind...

This Sunday we are heading to the coast for our annual family beach trip that never fails to be a wonderful time for all.  And to see us out on the beach together, one would never guess how our family as it is came to be.  


Because I'm not talking about my biological family or Charlie's although we certainly love and appreciate them too.  But I'm talking about Darin's family...


When I married Darin in April of 1997 I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that just a few years down the road I would find myself a widow with two little boys four and under.  And certainly not that just a few years after that I'd be married to another man who I'd take to Darin's parents' house for Sunday dinners and along on their family beach trips.  


Yet here I am.  Here we are.  And it works. It fits. Perfectly.  


There have been times when my mother-in-law Pat, father-in-law Bob or brother-in-law Karry have called the house and asked to speak to Charlie about something.  They all helped us move into our new house in the Spring of last year, we sit with them at church on Sundays and they were all right there up front on the day of our wedding that my sister-in-law Debbie and her twin sister Denise did the food and flowers for. And Darin's cousin, Kelly, blessed our day with his exceptional singing voice and guitar playing. 


Darin's best friend Dave still takes the boys, and sometimes even their friends too, to do fun stuff on Saturdays and how he has the patience to sit at the family fun place while they play arcade games all day, I will never know!  But he does it.  


Someone once said to Charlie (I think before we were married) that he didn't think he could deal with all that...that it would just be weird.  And I suppose to some it would be which is why I am so grateful that God sent me/us a man who could not only deal with it but embrace it, wholeheartedly.  


So while things don't always turn out anything at all like we thought they should and our hearts are often so broken that we can't imagine ever experiencing true happiness again or even how we are going to manage carrying on with our lives, we are living proof that with a lot of love, faith, acceptance and prayer anything is possible and life always goes on...

August 2010 (Pay no attention whatsoever to the sour puss looks on my boys' faces)

Doggone Days of Summer...

Monday: The boys fought, bickered and argued until I nearly fell off the cliff of sanity I was dangling by a thread on.  Banned them from the t.v., the XBox, the computer and phone indefinitely and sent them to their rooms for a really long time.  


Tuesday: Absolutely had to get out of the house so although it was 98 degrees outside and they had acted like tyrants just the day before, I loaded those two up in the car and headed to the nearest  HomeGoods which is a good 45 minutes away.

And the whole way there I kept telling myself that either the heat was getting to me bad or that I had finally lost my mind completely. But to know me is to know that once I get my mind set on something I get a little obsessive about it and cannot rest until I get it done.  And that thing is currently a new mirror to hang over a dresser in our bedroom that I just recently painted that lovely shade of aqua smoke.    

I didn't find the mirror but I have to say behaviors were greatly improved.  All I had to do was look at them and say something like, "You don't ever want that XBox back do you?" and they'd straighten right up!   We even went to Wally World to buy groceries afterwards.  I must have been feeling especially brave and powerful.
  
Wednesday: Due to the extreme heat index outside and the loss of all things electronic, and much to my great delight and astonishment, they began to play a civil game of Yahtzee at the kitchen table and nobody threw a single punch. 
Ahhh....things were looking up.  So I allowed them use of the big t.v. as long as they were able to continue to agree on what to watch which mostly turned out to be American Pickers and that Pawn Shop show. Whatever happened to Looney Tunes?    


Thursday: Due to boredom Dracen dumped out my basket of doggie  clothes and proceeded to have a fashion show with the Darling Wieners.  He'd disappear into the sunroom with the confiscated wiener dog, shut both sets of french doors in an overly dramatic fashion and reappear with a donned out Dachsie.   

It was cute but due to lack of enthusiasm and several looks of mortification and disgust from the Darlings, I had to put a halt to the wiener dog runway.  
I asked them to go outside and check for ripe blackberries behind the fence.  They came back within five minutes to inform me that we have no ripe and luscious berries to speak of. 


Devin then tried to talk Dracen into going outside to throw some baseballs but he said he was much too relaxed in the house to go out into the heat.  And when he pointed out that I wasn't going outside, I informed him that I played outside all day most every day when I was growing up.  


So they went outside for all of 15 minutes and came back inside with the mail that they'd apparently been fighting over who was going to get out of the mailbox.  There was much debate and whining over who did and said what so I put them in their rooms until further notice and turned off Pawn Stars.  


Morales were greatly improved upon their return to the living room and they actually played nicely outside for awhile last night without any encouragment or force.  


Friday:  Just got a call from my dad aka Pawpaw Paul informing me that he is on his way up from Georgia for their birthdays which are this Sunday and Monday. 


The Darlings will be thrilled to have someone new in the house to avert the Dracenator's attention...  


Ah, a day in the life...

Five Things

I've been experiencing a severe case of writer's block or blogger's block or whatever.  


Maybe because my routine has been seriously disturbed since the boys have been out of school or maybe because I just honestly and truly have not had anything interesting or insightful to say.  


You'd think with them being all up in my business that I'd at least be rewarded with some good blog fodder but they've actually been pretty well-behaved for the past few days. Now holding my breath and crossing my fingers that I did not just jinx it all by putting that in print.


So what have I been up to for the past week?  


1. I painted our bedroom a lovely shade of teal a.k.a Aqua Smoke on Saturday and I could not be more pleased with it.  And I tried by darndest to post a pic of it but Blogger is being an arse. 


2. I had the second half of the second root canal done yesterday and was a little perplexed that the endodontist and his assistant seemed somewhat perturbed that I only took one halcion instead of the one and a half he prescribed. 


His assistant said, "Are you going to be okay with us doing the work since you only took the one halcion?"   "Of course", I said.  "I'm perfectly fine."  Then he comes in and says in a semi-joking manner, "You seem really awake..."Why is everyone doing this to me today?"  


Am I missing something here?  "I'm not even nervous", I say.  I guess they prefer their patients semi-comatose and mumbling incoherently.  Probably more fun for them that way. Sorry to disappoint!


3. I haven't been able to go to my classes of pilates, yoga and zumba at noon since the boys are home so yesterday evening when they were still at their momaw and popaw's I decided to hit the 6:00 R.I.P.P.E.D class.


Note to self a.k.a Word to the wise:  Probably not the best idea to go to a class called R.I.P.P.E.D for the first time after you've taken a halcion(which is basically a sleeping pill), had a root canal, passed out on the couch for a couple of hours and eaten a Little Debbie Nutty Buddy Bar.


About 10 minutes into the class my side started burning like blue blazes and it was only on pride alone that I managed to survive the entire hour of that tortuous madness.


4. I was told by my eldest that I am not cool enough to drive him, a friend of his, and two girls to a movie or bowling. Good to know.  And where oh where did my little boy go?


5. My heart broke when I found out that my friend Shirley's brain tumor was cancerous and she must now endure chemo.  


Cancer sucks.


But God is still good....

A Heavy Heart

I just realized I haven't posted in almost a week.  A week?  Really?  I've been here.  Didn't really mean to go all stealthy on y'all.  


Hope you all had a great holiday weekend.  The boys had plans Saturday so Charlie and I went to see The Hangover 2.  I really, really wanted to see Bridesmaids but it was showing at weird times.  One was too late for us to get back and get the boys at a decent hour and the other was too early for me to have time to put my closet back in some sort of acceptable order.  


Not that it was in any kind of decent order to begin with but I dove in there head first Saturday afternoon and attempted to find the floor.  And I am happy to report that I found it and that once again, my shoes are all aligned in proper formation and all my shirts are on one side and all my skirts, pants, shorts and dresses are on the other.  


I give it about two weeks like that. Apparently too much organization makes me nervous or uncomfortable.  Or something.  But at least I know when to say when.  


Yesterday we had some family over for a cookout.  And while we did cook "out", we ate "in" because the temps. have already reached the 90's here in these parts which makes it a tad bit uncomfortable to sit on a sunny deck and eat.  I don't know about y'all but I prefer to not have sweat rolling down my neck and back when I'm trying to eat my grilled chicken sandwich.  


Spring seems to last for about 15 minutes around here and then we're all complaining that it's too hot.  Summer... It's a love/hate relationship.  


Speaking of relationships, I have had a heavy heart since Sunday afternoon for a longtime friend of mine. I received a phone call from a mutual friend Sunday that my good friend, Shirley, found out last week that she has a brain tumor.  She had not had any symptoms until one day last week while at a store, she became disoriented and lost temporary function of her fingers.  


She somehow made it home, went to the doctor, had an MRI and was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Just like that.  


I met Shirley about 11 and a half years ago.  I had recently bought into my friend Dana's florist.  It was around Christmastime, Dana was pregnant and out sick with a migraine and I was left alone with 5 month old Devin and about 25 funeral orders to man the shop on my own.  Needless to say, I was in over my head.  


We had met and talked with Shirley the week before about coming on to help us with deliveries and to assist with taking orders in the shop.  She wasn't supposed to start until the next week but I was desperate.  I dug her phone number out, called her and practically begged her to start immediately!  


She was there within minutes, loading her little car down (because to top it all off the van was in the shop!) with funeral arrangements, dozens of roses and a big bouquet of balloons making it impossible for her to see out her rear window and did it all with a smile on her face.  She literally saved the day.  


Shirley is one of those people who is always thinking up ways to help someone else and she was there for me during my darkest days of grief after losing Darin.  She would just show up with a smile and start cleaning my house, doing my laundry and playing a game of Candyland or Chutes and Ladders with the boys.  


I was just telling Charlie the other night that I needed to call her and see how she and her husband were doing since she had not made it to any of the boys' baseball games this year and they are almost over. Very unlike Shirley.  


She had an appointment today at Duke Medical Center and was told to be prepared to stay.  I'm not even sure what that means.  I just ask you all to please say a prayer for her. 


Thanks and have a blessed day,

Bye Bye, Thirties!

Well, this is it...my very last day as a thirtysomething. My thirties brought about so many major life changes and while I wouldn't trade any of those years, or the lessons I learned during them, for anything, I am looking forward to my forties and believe they may just be the very best years yet.

Some valuable life lessons I've learned in the past decade...

 1. It is possible to love a second baby every bit as much as the first one.  A wise woman once said, "that second baby is like the icing on the cake."  And how right she was. And while I only had two, I'm sure this is true for each and every one God blesses you with.


2. Tomorrows are never guaranteed to any of us and while I've still not fully mastered it, I know how very wise it is to live each day on this earth as if it were your last and to never put off saying what you truly feel, for you may not ever get another opportunity.  

3. "You only go around once."  Someone once gave Darin that advice when he was struggling with the decision of whether or not to  surprise me with a second Dachshund for Mother's Day one year.  I thought that was the best advice I'd ever heard and I am constantly reminded of it.  Needless to say, he got the dog.  


4. Changing your hairstyle after a major life altering event has a way of saying, "Hey, look at me!  Someone moved my cheese, but I'm adapting, surviving and I'm going to be okay...different, but okay. And probably even better."


5. Empathy is an extremely powerful emotion and sharing a difficult and trying life experience with someone often has a way of creating an immediate bond and priceless friendship.


6. 'Old' friends are one of God's greatest blessings.  Spending time or talking with a friend/friends you've known since adolescence or childhood, re-awakens the soul and keeps your heart and spirit young.  


7. Broken hearts are always mendable, no matter how many times they've been broken.  The key is to never allow yourself to become bitter or cynical about life or love and always be willing to get back in the saddle and give it another shot.  Always be willing to give it another shot.  No matter what.


8. We all make mistakes.  The important thing is to learn from them, grow from them, ask forgiveness for them, and vow to never make them again.  And if you do make them again, rinse and repeat until you get it right.  


9. Holding onto anger and resentment drains you of energy and darkens your spirit.  Letting go frees and enlightens.


10. If you expect others to respect you, then you must first respect yourself.  And be willing to forgive yourself for the times when you didn't.


11. When your gut/intuition tells you something is or isn't right, listen to it!  


12. Prayer works.  Don't ever believe it doesn't. If you start thinking God isn't listening or answering your prayers,  you need to stop and ask yourself why you think that is.  What we want and think is best for us, is not always God's will for our lives and He always knows what is best for us.  This I know for sure.


13. If you get the feeling that God is talking to you and trying to tell you something... lead you to something, then by all means, listen up and pay attention.  


14. Giving is far more rewarding than receiving.  


15. Don't ever look to others for your own fulfillment and happiness.  You and you alone are the only one who holds that power.

 Now bring it, 40! 

An Aha Moment...I'm a grown up

I didn't have your typical college life.  I attended community college for two years after graduating high school before transferring to a university that was only an hour's drive from home. 

I lived in an on campus suite my first semester.  It was designed for four but there were only two of us so we each had our own room and plenty of room to spread out. 

Still, I went home every weekend.  My mother is the most giving person on the planet and she was still graciously doing my laundry.  I know, I know.  

The next year I lived in an on campus apartment with four teeny tiny bedrooms,  a small living room/kitchen and one bathroom for four girls!  Needless to say, I still went home every weekend.  Mainly to keep tabs on my boyfriend at the time, who had a tendency to stray.

And of course, to have my laundry done.  

The last year I didn't even bother staying down there at all.  I commuted, driving my little 10 year old blue Mazda to its final death and demise.  My gracious mother allowed me to drive her big red Thunderbird until I graduated that May. 

In April, just weeks before I graduated, I met Darin, on my 23rd birthday.  I knew I was going to marry him almost from the very beginning and finally said goodbye to the boyfriend with the wandering eye.  

After graduating I still had no clue what I wanted to do with my life since I had already decided that a career in law enforcement was not for me.  Here I was with a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice and no career prospects in sight.  

I wasn't feeling very much like a grown up.

I did find a job pretty quickly, as a receptionist in a chiropractor's office.  The chiropractor had a bad temper and smoked like a chimney and I knew there had to be more to life than this.  I mean, really, I went to school four years for this?    

It lasted about three months.  Maybe not quite that long.  

I had, luckily, saved enough money to make a couple of months' payments on my brand new red Mustang I had bought after graduating and found a job in the finance business that September. 

I continued to live with my mother (who, yes, was still doing my laundry!) though I spent several nights a week at Darin's house. We got married after three years of dating and I finally started doing my own laundry but did I feel like a grown up yet?

Not really.  

We had Devin after two years of marriage so now I was a wife and a working mother but I can't recall a defining moment during that time that said, "you're a grown up now!" 

Darin was a handle it kind of person so I never felt like I was facing the great big world on my own.  If I had a problem, I called him and he would fix it.  

The day after Devin turned four years old, Dracen was born.  Look out world, the Dracenator has arrived!  I was now doing more laundry than I ever cared to do, sleep deprived and a little cranky most of the time, but my family (the one I'd dreamed of) was complete.  

Still...I had not had my Aha moment that told me I had arrived as a bonafide grown up.   

Five months later when the doctor in the ER told me they had done everything they could do to save him but my husband had not survived,  I was in shock.  

I first threw myself to the hospital floor and pitched a little fit like my mother said I used to do when I was a kid and didn't get my way.  As if that would change God's mind and send Darin back to us.  It didn't work.  

Pat (my MIL) stayed the night with us for 3 months after he died so I still wasn't doing it all on my own.  But when her 3 month leave of absence was over and she had to go back to work, the panic set in.

Oh dear Lord, this is it.  I'm going to be on my own for the very first time in my life....with a house to take care of and two little boys to raise.  

Yeah.  That was most definitely the moment I realized I was officially a genuine, bonafide grown up.  I was about to turn 33 years old and I finally felt like a grown up.  

I proved to myself that I had a lot more in me than I had ever given myself credit for and while those (almost) five years of being a single mom were five of the hardest of my life thus far, they taught me so much about me.... the strong, fiery ,determined, handle it side of me, who was there all along.

And now, as I'm happily remarried to another handle it kind of man and approaching my 40th birthday in just five days, I can look back on those years and feel proud...proud that I handled it, proud that I survived it, and proud that I know I have what it takes to be an official gen-u-ine, bonafide grown up...

who still hates doing the laundry. 



 

This post was written in response to Mama Kat's writer's workshop prompt... The moment I realized I was a grown up.

Moments

Most satisfying moment of my weekend...

The sight of my closet after I cleared the floor of outfits that didn't make the cut and lined all the shoes up neatly.  It was a complete disaster when I started so this was no small feat.

Most annoying moment of my weekend...

Looking up from my laptop while the Super Bowl was on last night just in time to catch a Skechers commercial starring Kim Kardashian in which she appeared to be seducing her personal trainer.  What she was actually doing was giving him his walking papers since she now had the new butt toning Skechers and all. Because who needs to work out when you can just walk around struttin' your stuff and toning your junk in a pair of butt ugly shoes?!  Give.me.a.break!  

Most indulgent moment of my weekend...

Watching four straight hours of  Breaking Bad episodes with Charlie.  I cannot get enough of this show. LOVE it!

Most baffling moment of my weekend...

Checking my blog stats to see that someone landed here by searching "dachshund tattoos".  Umm? Okay, it's no secret I love the little dachsies but DACHSHUND TATTOOS?!  I.don't.do.tattoos. and sure as heck don't recall blogging about one involving a dachshund.  Hmm... Interesting.

Most frustrating moment of my weekend...

Waiting until Saturday to finally go grocery shopping, taking both boys with me and spending an hour fighting the Super Bowl crowd and searching high and low for all the ingredients to make white turkey chili for our chili cook off at church.  Just FYI, the canned green chile peppers are located with the taco fixings, not with the chili fixings.

Most disappointing moment of my weekend...

Turning the t.v. on yesterday afternoon to find a special about Maya Angelou on OWN and realizing that I had missed the first 45 minutes of it.  Shoot!  I'm awed by her so I would have loved to have seen the whole thing.  

Most profound moment of my weekend...

Listening to Maya Angelou talk for 15 minutes.  Everything about her just exudes wisdom to me.  This is what she had to say about love when she was talking about her mother...

"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold—that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, 'I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go.'"

Awesome.

Just Because

I have brought up many times here the fact that I am turning the big 40 in April and I have reached the point to where I am actually looking forward to it.  I was inspired to look forward to it even more so on Sunday when Darin's Great Aunt Edie came by to pay us a visit. 

I was exiting the pew at church when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and turned to see Mrs. Edie's smiling face.  She is a classy, full-of-spunk-cheer-and-energy kind of lady and has the best southern drawl of anyone I know. 

I first met her about seventeen years ago when Darin and I were just dating and was immediately drawn to her, as I am sure most people are. She was already widowed by the time I met her and always spoke very fondly of her husband, Jack, and how much they had loved to travel together after he retired as an engineer. She even managed to do quite a bit of it on her own, after his death.

She once drove herself and about three of her older widowed sisters out west, all in their seventies or eighties at the time, and they "just had the best time!" We lovingly began referring to them as The Traveling Widows.

Darin and I went over to visit her once in 1996 when she had just gotten back from a road trip she went on "all by herself" to follow around the Olympic torch just because the Olympic games were in Atlanta that year.  She was over the moon telling us about it, along with how much fun she had with the ladies of the Red Hat Society she belonged to. And I, all of twenty-five at the time, decided right then and there that I wanted to be exactly like Aunt Edie if and when I was ever lucky enough to be that age one day, a cool old lady with a zest for life and a big red hat. 

She had the idea a few years back to begin an annual 4th of July parade here in the town of Maiden and it has been taking place on Main Street every 4th of July since, and to the best of my knowledge she is always there, decked from head to toe in her finest patriotic attire.

So, when I turned to see that it was her who had tapped me on the shoulder at church Sunday, I was absolutely delighted.  She began by telling me that she had no idea we had moved until she saw the return address on our Christmas card.  She said she knew where our street was and that she'd just love to come visit us some time. I told her I would love for her to and she asked, "Well, are you going to be home today?!"  I told her we'd be home later after we ate at Momaw Pat's.  

By the time we got home from the ER, after Dracen's little stunt gone wrong, I assumed we had probably missed her if she had come by. But the doorbell rang about 5:30, shortly after we got home, and there she stood on the front porch with that great big warm smile on her face and a container full of cinnamon rolls she'd picked up at the Food Lion, explaining how she'd wanted to get us some flowers but they were all sold out so she decided on the cinnamon rolls.  

We sat in the sunroom and chatted with her for a little while and she told us about how she and Jack had lived in California for awhile for his job back in the 70s and about how much she just loved it there! She said she was always ready for a road trip and never said no at the opportunity to GO. She also talked about how she and her daughter, Brenda, drove all the way to Texas once just because they'd heard the flowers were beautiful there that time of year and just wanted to go see it for themselves.   

She then told us about a crazy little run-in she'd had at the doctor's office recently and how she flat out told them how absolutely ridiculous and absurd their policy was. She said that when you get to be her age, you feel you've earned the right to just say what's on your mind! Well I, for one, could not agree more. 

I knew she was in her eighties but I didn't know exactly how old she was so I just asked her and she practically beamed when she answered, "Ohhh, I'll be NINETY!"  "What?!" Charlie and I blurted in unison. "No way! When is your birthday?", I asked.  She answered, "Oh, it's not until December but I'm already telling everybody I'll be ninety this year!" 

"What is your secret?", I had to ask.  She said that she has simply always lived by the motto to "take care of your body and it will take care of you when you're old".  She said she's never been a drinker or smoker, never eaten a lot of meat and has always kept a close eye on her weight, and that any time she has seen the scale go up a pound or two, she has gotten it right off.  

Simple, right?  

By the time she got ready to leave it was dark and Charlie and I both thought about the driveway.  It's a bit long with an awkward little slight curve and a brick wall that runs along one side of it, with some very large oak trees on the other side. He started to warn her about it but she was way ahead of the game.  She had scoped things out when she got here and decided it would be best if she went ahead and turned her car around so all she had to do was drive straight out. 

Gotta love her.

Did I mention how much I'm looking forward to turning forty this year?  

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain