Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Final Stage


The final stage of grief comes slowly... 

It was moving his dirty clothes from the hamper to the washing machine and quickly turning it on before I could change my mind again.  


They'd been sitting there for months. 


It was finally being able to cook a meal again,

Not dreading the hour when he always came home,

Changing the voice mail from his voice to mine, 


Checking the "widowed" box...


Writing deceased beside the word 'Father', 


Selling his truck, 


Removing my rings,


Giving some of his things away,


and packing others up for someday when they're older...


It was being able to smile when I looked at photos of him, 

words he'd written, 

or things his hands had made...

It was laughing when I was reminded of his humor

and our inside jokes...

It was no longer resenting happy couples and families,

Making lasagna,

Going a whole day without crying,

Taking his name off the phone bill...

It was not thinking it had all been a very bad dream each morning when I woke,

or forgetting that I couldn't ask him something I knew he'd know the answer to...

It was the idea that maybe I could love again after all,

and knowing in my heart I had his blessing from heaven...

It was no longer feeling like a cheating spouse each time I went on a date,

or comparing every man I met to the man he was...

It was being able to say, "We're gonna be okay no matter what happens",

and still believing that God is good...

It was finally looking hard in the mirror at myself and saying, 

"Okay, it's up to you now...Sink or swim",

and believing, knowing that I was going to swim like I never knew I could... 

Acceptance...

It was Acceptance.
Mama’s Losin’ It


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17 comments:

  1. Wow, Diane...you got me with this one! Anyone who has ever lost someone they love can relate. However, I'm sure it's so much different when you lose your spouse. I can't even imagine. The good thing is, as I so often tell my girls...when God closes one door, another one opens. I'm so glad that you've walked through your grief and have come out on the other side...so much stronger for it.

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  2. Definite tears on this post. You must be so inspiring to those waiting to reach the other side of their grief. So meaningful, honest, and optimistic. Beautiful.

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  3. wow this post made me cry. I can relate to alot of these things but its grief for my Mother. Thanks for opening your heart and sharing with us.

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  4. Tempted to forward this to my Mom...it's so familiar to me, watching her go through these same stages.

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  5. Beautifully said, my friend. Thank you!

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  6. I teared up at this. Wonderful post.

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  7. I totally get it, and you put it perfectly.

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  8. Beautiful! I think you also covered the word release. Losing someone you love changes you and causes much reflection. I wish only happiness ahead for you.

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  9. This

    Is

    Brilliant.

    (getting tissues as we speak...)

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  10. What a poignant and heart-touching post.

    This was beautiful writing.

    Sending you a hug of peace and healing.

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

    Just lovely.

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  11. I have no words....
    (this was so touching and beautiful)

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  12. This is a beautiful post and hurts my heart. It reminds me a lot of what I imagine my mother went through when my father passed. I was only 8 but reading this and looking back over the years reminds me again what a strong person she is. And what a strong person you are. Thank you for sharing this.

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  13. I love this. Thanks for sharing.

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  14. Your words are so touching. I can't even begin to imagine your pain but you have painted a wonderful reflection of what you have been through. Thanks for sharing.

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  15. So beautifully said --
    I can't' even think of words to comment.

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