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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Top 10 Summer Fashion Don'ts

1.  Shorty short shorts a.k.a. Daisy Dukes a.k.a. Booty Shorts!  Now, I'm not saying that if you are young enough, in shape enough and/or confident enough that you should not strut your stuff in your short shorts.  I rocked mine out in my twenties and even into my thirties and could maybe, possibly still rock them on occasion now if I was having an I'm gettin' better with age moment  it was a hundred and ten degrees of humid heat outside.   

What I am saying is that no matter what your age, weight or shape, if your butt cheeks are hanging out of your shorts then you, girlfriend, have gone too far and need to redefine what "short shorts" means to you. 

If you aren't sure, hold that hand mirror up and check your junk in the big mirror. If you see any bare butt flesh, you have crossed the line and should not pass Go, collect your 200 dollars or turn that door knob and step foot out your house until you cover that stuff up.

And words on the booty shorts?  Double Don't! And men in short shorts of any kind?...Triple Dog Don't!  

2. Speedos. K, so I'm pretty sure this one goes without saying but I'm still gonna say it. Just Say No.  'Nuff said.  

3. Capris for men. I realize this is a double standard because the good Lord knows I love my capris in the summer but it is my personal opinion that capri pants should not be considered as a fashion choice for men, but if either of my boys ever get the idea to try a pair, I will try my darndest not stand in their way. Though I will strongly encourage them to consider ALL their options first.  

And if Charlie ever decided he wanted to sport a pair, well then I'd recommend getting a good sturdy umbrella because the pigs would be flying, and I mean a flyin'  high! 

Sorry Ashton, but it's a No for me.

4. Teva and Birkenstock Sandals. And this goes for anything remotely resembling a pair.  Now I realize there is quite a large number of people who can't live without theirs and have sat and listened to many of them go on and on about how comfortable and cushy soft they are and I understand that some folks need extra support for their flat feet, fallen arches and what not and I'll give them that.  Just please, for the love of Pete, do NOT, under any circumstance, wear socks with them.  Please, I beg you!  

5. Pantyhose With Sandals.  This is never a good look.  NEVER.  Again, I understand there are some ladies who need the support hose but at least cut the toes outta those babies if you feel you absolutely must wear them with your sandals.  I think they even make toe-less ones now if I am not mistaken....Hose without toes they call them.  

6. Crocs for anyone over the age of 12.  I know Crocs have been insanely popular for the past several years though I haven't been seeing them around quite as often as I once did and praise the heavens above for that! But there are still quite a few pairs creeping around out there.    

Unless you are still in the cute stages of childhood or you are tilling, digging or planting in your garden, leave the Crocs where they the children's department!  

7. Bralessness in Public.  Now some of you who are small busted may just be able to get away with this and if you are one of those women, then more power to you, sister!  More power to you!

But the good vast majority of us have no business letting our girls fly free in the wind, especially those of us who are a C and up.
Trust me, I live in the South so I know that evil ol' brassiere can be a nightmare to strap on when it's a sticky 95 degrees with a hundred and ten percent humidity outside. 

But we must, we must, we must control our busts!  

8. Wearing Uggs with Shorts or just in Summer, period!  I am personally not a big fan of the Uggs and all their relatives myself, even in the winter months, though they don't bother me quite as much then.  

But this?!  Well, this just leaves me feeling confused.  Oh Britney, bless her heart! 

9. Men's Dress loafers without Socks. This was not a good look for Don Johnson in 1985, is not a good look still today and shall not ever be for forever and evermore....amen.

10. The Fanny Pack.  I must confess right here and now that I was once a fanny pack Don't.  Seems I recall struttin' my stuff all over Disney World circa 1995 with my fanny pack strapped around my waist but I have since corrected the error of my fanny pack ways.  
I know it's a convenient way to keep up with all your junk when you're hitting the amusement parks and doing the tourist thing on your summer vacation but opt for a cute little backpack instead.  They make tons of stylish ones now.  Like this pretty canvas one by Fossil

What are some of your Summer Don'ts?  Mama Kat wants to know. 


  1. The phrase "Hose without Toes" has me cracking up and brings up an image that I'm sure is VERY different than the one you were thinking of! LOLOL
    I totally agree on ALL counts!

  2. Oh my word... what a way to wake up! :) I was just reading a new magazine the other day and they had this photo of a hot new thing to store your phone etc hands free and I was like, That's a fanny pack! Just because it's smaller and on the hip in the picture DOES NOT change what it is!

  3. I wholeheartedly agree with all of those!! (Although I did the Daisy Duke thing LONG before anyone ever heard of her! Hubby probably wishes I had a picture...!)

    Seriously, when I see some folks out in public, it's obvious they don't have a mirror at home....or they just don't care.

  4. I've seriously been laughing for the last five mins. Thanks so much for sharing your list!

  5. Very fun ~ and brave to take on Aston himself! AND I want that back pack!! Finally have some weather here in Boston that has me thinking about summer. Don't know about you, but ready to enjoy it!

  6. I wholeheartedly agree with all of these, but confess to sometimes wearing my circa 1995 Birkenstocks out to the grocery store (sans socks!) just because they're so damn comfortable. ::hangs head in shame::

    I've never seen capris on a man until this post. And... no. Just no.

    And that first picture of the guy in the loafers and rolled up jeans? Oh, dear God. I'm pretty sure I wore that same outfit in 6th grade, so why would any self-respecting straight man consider dressing that way? Actually, why would any self-respecting gay man consider dressing that way?

  7. Ha! Love the list! Follow your advice, and I don't think you could go wrong! Especially the capri pant for men. It is just wrong!

  8. I agree with all 10 as someone who lives in the south, especially the speedo at the beach. They gross me out.

  9. One time, we were halfway to our favorite sushi restaurant, a nice place, table clothes and all. I glance over and my husband is well dressed and cute and on his feet are....CROCS!! Not even REAL CROCS but the fake, cheap Target brand, stained with dirt from gardening. Oh, had my 3 year old not been in the car I would have made him turn around and change!

  10. This is terrific! I love the photos you've chosen to accentuate your words and they made me laugh through her whole post. Thanks!

  11. What a great list of don'ts! Thanks for the laughs!

  12. Whew! I think I'm safe.

    Love the Fossil bag.

  13. Ack on #5!! Who does that???

    I hate panty hose. Never ever wear it if I can help it :p

    Visiting from Mama Kat's

  14. Totally agree with most of your no,no's. But. I have to say I love me some Chaco's which are similar to Birkenstocks and Teva's.

    Kavu purses are a great alternative to fanny packs, too.

    My teenage girls have Uggs and wear them with shorts. I HATE IT! And, they know I think it looks ridiculous.

  15. What the heck is wrong with Britni? She's from the South; she knows the rules!

  16. Oh, I totally agree! My brother-in-law came over one day w/capris on and I laughed so hard I literally almost fell off the couch!

    Small busted here- but I know I still NEED a bra!

  17. I agree with every single one of these! Great list, very funny!

  18. I remember when the word on the butt was in style and I won't lie, I totally owned a pair that said princess on the back.
    Yea, not one of my finer moments.
    Anyways I was at the gym and this guy said that he'd make me a princess if I went to lunch with him...yea, I never wore them again.

  19. Awesome list. I think you nailed all the really heinous summer fashion faux-pas. Here in NY all the high school girls are strutting around the mall in shorts and UGGs. They look stupid.

  20. Great list. I laughed out loud at the picture of the Crocks. LOL

  21. Ewww - the shoes thing just grosses me out, ha!

    And yep, I don't want my poor kiddo to be confused by anyone's buttcheeks hanging out, eek!

  22. JDaniel wears socks with his sandals and it always reminds me of my dad.

  23. Ha! I am happy to say I don't do any of these! love that fossil bag.