Yesterday they planned ahead by gathering up some quarters to burn in those gumball, bouncy ball, and tattoo machines at the front door. I absolutely loathe those things with a burning passion and believe it should be illegal to put them in the front of the grocery store.
They each stuck their quarters in as soon as we walked through the doors and pulled out bouncy balls. I stopped right there, looked them both dead in the eyes and warned and threatened them within an inch of their lives not to bounce those things inside the store or they would be mine!
We had barely made it to the produce department when Devin started bouncing his as high as it would go. I gave him a warning. Whaaat??! I didn't do anything! I just went like this...(as he bounced it again!)
So I confiscated it and he then proceeded to pick up a giant squash and say, Hey Dracen, look at this! knowing full well that this would be irresistible to the Dracenator, thus causing him to begin fondling the produce and refocusing my pissed offness onto him and off of Devin.
We cruised our way through the next couple of aisles with me gritting my teeth and flashing my mean eye about a dozen or so times when Dracen experienced a flash of temporary insanity and started going through my bag that was sitting in the buggy, trying to find and retrieve Devin's ball for him.
I stopped his hand dead in the air and demanded he give me his ball too and he actually had the nerve to clamp his hand tighter around it so I couldn't get it. So I pried it out and let it drop into my bag. Then, then he yelled out, "You slapped me!" Deep breaths. Deeeep breaths.
He showed me his hand that had a tiny little cut with a teeny trace of blood where my ring must have scraped the skin when I grabbed his hand. I assured him I did not mean to hurt him but that he had no business doing what he did.
We made it over another 2 or 3 aisles and then, right in front of a woman, he shouted "You slapped me and made me bleed"! to which she gave an appalled look. Devin informed me of the look in the car because I was mortified and avoiding eye contact with anyone at all cost when we were in the store, therefore I cannot confirm nor deny the look but I do not doubt it in the least. I just kept pushing my buggy and said, through pursed lips, "Dracen. I did NOT slap you!" And I so wanted to add "yet" but I refrained. I refrained.
And just to clear things up, I do not slap, punch, hit or even spank my kids, though maybe I should start. Kidding, just kidding!
The Food Lion ordeal was nearing its end as I circled the corner of the last aisle and headed toward the bread department, that comes just before checkout, when I looked behind me, past the 4 or 5 other customers with their buggies, to see Dracen climbed up inside the ice cream freezer with the door almost completely shut behind him, trying to reach some M&M ice cream sandwiches.
"Dracen!" I shouted. "WHAT are you DOING?!" I retrieved him quickly, threw the M&M ice cream sandwiches into the buggy and hightailed it outta there like there was a snake on my trail.
And yes, in hindsight, I realize I probably should not have bought the M&M ice cream sandwiches but my main focus was on getting us all out of there alive and without losing my sanity that was then hanging by a thread and plus, I was harboring a little mom guilt for hurting Dracen's hand.
In other words, I totally got schemed by a 7 year old! Ugh.