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Thursday, February 9, 2012

If You Give a Mom a Break...

If you give a mom a break, chances are she's going to want a Diet Coke.

When she walks into the kitchen to get herself one, she will notice that someone has left the milk out.  

She will yell, "WHO LEFT THE MILK OUT?!"  but of course she will get no answer and will put the milk back in the refrigerator.  

When she opens the refrigerator, a bottle of red Gatorade that was crammed inside with the lid half off will come tumbling out and spilling all over the kitchen floor.  

She will mutter some words under her breath that would make a sailor blush as she cleans up the sticky Gatorade off her just recently cleaned kitchen floor.  

While she is down there cussing and cleaning the floor, one of the wiener dogs will scratch on the door wanting back in the house.  

When she goes to let him in, she sees that he has been digging AGAIN so she will take him to the boys' bathroom to give him his 15th bath for the week.  

After she bathes him, she will gather up the mountain of towels on the bathroom floor to put them in the washing machine.  

She will find the washing machine full of clothes that need to be put into the dryer that she discovers is also full of clothes that need to be folded which will cause her to use all the bad words she knows, plus some she made up.  

As she is sitting on the floor in front of the dryer folding the clothes that were in there, the wet wiener dog will jump up on her to apologize for his bad behavior by licking her in the face.  

The funk of his breath will nearly make her pass out so she will get up to go into the kitchen cabinet where she keeps the dog stuff in order to get him a Greenie to freshen his stanky breath.  

When she gets into the kitchen, she remembers that she was going to have a Diet Coke.  

Just as she is pouring her Diet Coke (the last one in the house) into a cup of ice, her 8 year old will burst through the door screaming, whining, and claiming that his brother beat him up on the trampoline with her 12 year old right behind him denying any such claim. 

She will be forced to play referee for the 859th time this week while trying her best not to use any more of the four letter words.

As she is giving them the third degree, complete with jerky hand movements, she accidentally knocks her Diet Coke off the counter...

And chances are pretty good that while she's cleaning it up? She's going to be reminded that she could really use a break! 

*This post inspired by the Writer's Workshop at Mama's Losin It.

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  1. Sounds like my breaks at home. *sigh* Great post! :)

    Visiting from Mama Kats post.

  2. Awesome and so sad at the same time.

  3. Wow, can you see into my home?? No kidding, aside from the wiener dogs, ours is huge and tore up the trash today.... I hear you, sister!!

  4. aww man that stinks! I hope you eventually get your diet coke!!

  5. You just described my typical day! ;)

  6. Yep our work as a mom is never done. Hope you get a break and a cookie and a Diet Coke ;-)

  7. Hilarious! You mirrored a mom's life so well ....

  8. OMG I love this.
    How true!!! How true!!!

  9. Those words come in handy EVERY DAY.

  10. Very creative post and I am sure so many of us Moms are nodding our heads saying "preach it sister"! Hoping you did get that Diet Coke break eventually... :)

  11. Love it. But even more I love the can you see into my house and that's my place / life responses.

  12. Oh GEEZ! When you refill your glass with Diet Coke, ya might wanna consider adding a little Cap'n. ;)

  13. fun take on the original. I hope you get that break along with the diet coke. kaye—the road goes ever ever on

  14. This has NEVER happened, right?! Girl, you made me laugh! You earned yourself that Diet Coke.

  15. I love your blog. Wish I could just pop over, rewash your kitchen floor, finish up the laundry, and send you out for a sit down diet coke at any place but McDonald's with a play area.

    I joined a babysitting coop when my 4 were wee ones so I either had a house busting at the seams or much needed breaks for diet coke!

  16. This could also be called A Mom's Life! I never realized how difficult it would be to stay on task and remember what the heck you were supposed to be doing in the first place... my kids scramble my mind daily.

  17. I always need a break. And sadly, when I have a Diet Coke, the caffeine keeps me up all night and wires me for sound, so no actual break is achieved.


    I guess I'll have to stick to going until I fall down. :)

  18. Wow! That was painful to read. Brought back so many memories. Come to my place and I will give you a diet coke!

  19. Simply wonderful! Well-written, and so true!

  20. Been there, done that, except in my house, it would be Diet Dr. Pepper!