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Monday, June 13, 2011

Grocery Shopping with Boys and Strangers

Today is the first day of Summer Break here but I still had to set my alarm this morning because Devin is going to baseball camp from 9 to 12 this week.  After I picked him up, I was fool enough to take both boys with me grocery shopping. When, oh when, Lord, will I ever learn my lesson on this?   

A fight broke out before we even got out of the produce section.  Dracen started flailing his arms around and bellowing out sobs while shouting that Devin had kicked him in the back of the leg with his cleats. I didn't see a mark and of course, Devin claimed he did nothing what with his deer in the headlights look mumbling,"Whut? Whut?  I didn't do nuthin'!" 


We got to the aisle with magazines on it that they always flock to while I was still at the other end debating on what spice rub or marinade I was going to buy when I heard Devin say, "Hey Mom, this is your role model. You wanna look like this, don't you?" as he held up some bodybuilding magazine with a woman on the cover who had bigger biceps than the Jolly Green Giant.  

"Very funny, Devin.  No, that is not at all what I want to look like, thank you very much."  Then I heard Dracen say, "Hey Mom, you wanna look like this lady don't you? Hee Heee!"  and I looked up to see Justin Bieber's smiling face on the magazine he was holding up.  

Okay I have to admit, that was pretty funny. 

We had almost made it through the entire rest of the store without any major inflictions or catastrophes when some random older man in coveralls who looked as if he'd just stepped out from underneath a bus stopped me in the bread department and asked if my boys are good dishwashers.  

Come again?  Is he for real or have I begun to hallucinate under  the stress of it all?  

Then he whipped out a small photo album that also looked as if it came out from underneath a bus and began showing us his ceramic cup collection. There must have been thousands of coffee cups on the fence in the picture and he proceeded to tell me how many years upon years he's been collecting them all but I can't recall the number because I was trying to concentrate on the whole wheat bread labels when he thrusts the photo album in front of me again to show me more of his unique collection that continued on into a shed or barn of some sort.  

Look.  The man was probably harmless.  Maybe.  I don't know.  But he was all up in my personal space and I was having a hard time smiling and nodding politely, though I did because that's just who I am and how I roll.  But when he began to question my boys about whether or not they like swimming in the river and catching them ol' snakes?  

Well, let's just say my comfort zone had been completely squashed and thank God, he wandered away from us or I may have been compelled to start screaming out "Help!  911 Stalker Emergency in the Bread Department!"  

As he was walking away both boys were looking at me with saucer eyes and asking, "Who was that?!"  

So finally, we made it to the checkout and both boys were being pretty well cooperative by this point and helping me load the groceries onto the counter. I think the cup man may have shaken them up a little too. And all of a sudden...WHAM!  Dracen dropped a bottle of Raspberry Walnut Salad Dressing on my big toe.

And I was wearing sandals.  

I let out an "Owwww!" and a "Mother!" before I gained control of  myself and the cashier was all, "Dang!  Are you alright?!"  

"Umm...Yep.  Yes, I'm f-f-f-fine!" 

How much longer 'til school starts back?  


  1. The guy with the pictures? That is so off the wall!

    That was a shopping trip for the books, and by the way, the Justin Bieber joke...I laughed too!

  2. I love old men! He probably just wanted someone to talk to. Your shopping trip sounds like many of mine, and I so identify with laughing even though you know you shouldn't!

  3. Oooh, that man just sounds scary....Glad he moved on when he did.

    Nothing hurts like having something dropped right on your toe! Did the bottle break? I'm guessing not since you didn't mention "Clean-up on Aisle 1".

    No, summer's not over yet. You've got a ways to go yet.. ;)

  4. A freakin' cup collection??? Who lets these people out loose in society?

    I, too, continually torture myself by bringing my kids to the grocery store. Who invented that damn cart with the little car on the front??? I wish I could kill them!

  5. That guy would totally freak me out!!!

    And I love that you blogged this. I finally created a category for "shopping with kids" because of how impossible it can be most days!

  6. You should have told the boys any more arguing from them and you would give them to that old guy.HeHe:)

    Week 3 into our summer. Less than 1 week to the BEACH!

  7. Okay, that was an interesting shopping trip. I hope your next one is a little more mundane!

  8. I'm impressed you stopped at "Mother..." Very impressed. A dude all up in my grill? I'd have been loud and obnoxious and saying to the kids "We need to go now!"

  9. Diane, I don't even know where to start!! The grocery store w/ kids is like the 7th circle of hell for me. But throw in the mug man? You win. That's a whole new level that I'll avoid, thanks. And the salad dressing on the toe? OMG. Did the bottle or the toe break? You only said, "mother"? b/c I'm pretty darn sure I'd have completed that phrase. :)