So much for pajama day!

I just woke up fifteen minutes ago, at 9:52 a.m.  And I think I only woke up then because Brisco Darling walked into the room and gave me a glare that said, "WTH?  Don't you think it's high time you got your lazy arse up outta that bed and let me outside, already?!"


The boys are still sleeping and I know I should wake them up so that they can go to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight but waking them will increase their time together which will also increase the amount of bickering I will have to endure today. So I've decided to sit here and drink my coffee in peace and let nature takes its course.  At least until 11:00.  I will be forced to take action if they are asleep past eleven.


My dreams of staying in my pajamas all day today have been crushed, however, since I never made it to the grocery store over the weekend.  I'm not exactly sure what it is that makes me loathe grocery shopping so much but I rank it right up there with housework and organizing things. 


I still haven't figured out how I landed this gig as a stay home mom yet because my housekeeping skills are mediocre at best.  I'd much rather decorate or paint the house than to clean or organize it. Just as I'd much rather make new outfits out of my clothing items than to hang, fold and color coordinate them all neatly in stacks and rows. And don't even ask me about the state of my kitchen cabinets or refrigerator. 


There are those among us who were blessed with the gift of organization and good housekeeping skills.  I am not one of them. And I accepted this fact long, long ago.    

I try.  Really, I do.  I can't tell  you how many times I've organized something like my closet.  I spent hours one Saturday back in September re-organizing it once again and was pretty successful at keeping it that way for awhile. I have the pictures to prove it...See?

And this is what it looks like today ...

I'm not sure why I just showed y'all that hot mess that can only be blamed on me and me alone since I'm the only one who goes into that closet. I think I'm hoping it will motivate guilt me into doing something about it.  


So now it's eleven o'clock (the time I said I'd wake up the brothers), I'm still in my pajamas, and I have vowed to get groceries and organize my hot mess of a closet.


If this motivational guilt trip thing works I'll be posting after pics tomorrow.  If not, then I'll try to come up with a good excuse...


Happy Monday!  

A Grief Revisited...Defining Surrealism

I started this blog in an effort to share my experience with grief...hoping, praying, that someone, somewhere, would read my words...my story... and find some form of comfort and hope in them. This blog quickly and unexpectedly evolved into so much more than that and I can't imagine ever falling out of love with this thing called blogging.  But...I continually hear a knocking at my soul that I think is telling me to revisit and share my grief story from time to time so that is what I'm doing.  I don't know how often I will do it just yet but my plan is to share a little  more of my story each time because it is my belief that every battle we are forced to fight...every storm life casts upon us, is not only meant to strengthen and grow our own spirits, but those of others as well. So here I begin...

Before losing Darin I really had no clue what grief entailed. My heart always ached and went out to those who had experienced such a great loss.  I would say a quick pray for them, send them a card if I  kind of knew them, and always shake my head and think or sometimes even say aloud, "I can't even imagine."


And I couldn't.  No one can.  Until it happens...


It's like you're going along fine in the world, completely unaware of how fleeting life is, and then BAM!, out of nowhere this thundering beast you never saw coming hits you so hard it knocks the wind out of you and leaves you struggling for breath and grasping for something...anything...to hold onto. 


In an instant everything in and around you changes.  The air even seems different.      


I remember not being able to cry.  I so much wanted to cry, as if that would somehow heal me and take away the sick, empty hole that had suddenly taken up residence in the center of my being. The tears did eventually come of course.  They came so much and so often that I wondered why I ever wished for them in the first place.  


I just wanted to feel normal again but I knew that I never really would.  At least not the normal I had always known.  


There were many mornings I would awake fully believing it had all been some horrible, awful dream but when I sat up to tell Darin all about it, I was hit with that cold, ruthless monster of grief and sick, raw emotion yet again.  I can't recall now how long that went on but that was just one of the many hard truths I was learning about grief. 


There would be good (or at least okay) days...days when I would notice things that I had never picked up on before grief entered my world.  Like those redbirds that suddenly began appearing in the trees in the front yard, or that penny on the floor that  I'd swear wasn't there just a second ago, or the way the clouds, the trees, and the flowers seemed to be talking just to me. 


Surreal.  This was the definition of it. I finally understood what that word really meant for the first time because I was living it every day. 


Where had my real life gone?


Because this one I was being forced to live surely could not be mine...

Friday Fragments...

~I don't know why but I have taken up watching The Bachelor this season.  I'm off and on with that show.  Sometimes I can't stomach it at all but I have been sucked into the crazy this season. I'm not sure what kind of screening they do when choosing these women but I swear I think they purposely pick a few who are clearly clinging to their sanity by their pinkie toes in order to guarantee a good hearty dose of drama queen. 

~I bought some  Boca meatless chicken chicken-like patties last week.  I cooked a couple of them up the other night and slapped them on some whole wheat buns with a little mustard and mayonnaise. Devin actually argued with me by saying, "There is no way this is NOT chicken!"  This vegetarian thing is going along better than I had ever imagined and I honestly do not miss meat at all.  


~This cute little creeper has been hanging out in the holly tree beside my bedroom window.  I took this through the glass...

~I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I saw this on Pinterest last week.  I cannot tell you how many times I have come home to this exact look!

~Someone is coming to measure the bonus room/bedroom upstairs this morning for new carpet.  I finished painting up there a couple of weeks ago. Sometime after I told the boys I was fixing that up as a family/rec room, we were all having a conversation and Devin said, "Next mom is going to make the bonus room into a pimpin pad!" (or something like that).   When I was twelve "pimpin" meant something entirely different but I'm pretty sure I didn't even know the word!  


~I just realized last night that Monday is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day which means it's a three day weekend and I could not be more excited about the opportunity this will give me to sleep in on a Monday morning! And I'm not ashamed to admit that I may not even get out of my pajamas. 


~In case you were unaware, it's Friday the 13th!  I personally think superstitions are a little weird but I believed them all when I was a kid and was always careful to not do things like open umbrellas in the house and never failed to make an X in the air if a black cat crossed my path. Now I pretend it's good luck if I see one.  I guess that's weird too and I'm okay with that.      


~I want this sign...

**Linking this post up with Mrs. 4444 for Friday Fragments at Half-Past Kissin' Time!

Happy Friday, Y'all!