My Biggest Parenting Challenge

I was always the shy, quiet girl who went out of my way to avoid drawing attention to myself in school.  I was bewildered by the class clown type, even when I secretly found their antics hysterical,  because that personality was so very different from my own. I just could not fathom possessing that kind of carefree gumption.   


And really, I am still that way.  I go out of my way to avoid uncomfortable situations and confrontations.  I recently read an article in which someone referred to herself as "conversationally challenged" and the words leapt off the page at me. Because that?  Is so me.  


Conversationally challenged is exactly what I am.  I stumble over my words, if I can find them at all, and end up walking away or hanging up the phone shaking my head and feeling completely frustrated because I know I did not say what I felt, thought and intended to say.  

And I had one of those moments this afternoon when I got a call from a teacher (the third time I have heard from this teacher this year) informing me, yet again, that my son is still being unruly and  disruptive in her class. That she finds it disrespectful. And that she wants it to stop.


It felt like an attack on me and my parenting skills and I wanted to shout, "You and me both, girlfriend!  You and me, both!"  But of course I didn't.  Instead I asked her what exactly he was doing to which she replied "just constantly giggling, cutting up and talking amongst his friends." I apologized three times and told her we had talked and talked to him about this and thought we had the problem solved and that we will deal with it.  


Then I hung up the phone, threw a few four letter words around and sent Charlie a message pretty much stating that I was at my wit's end and did not know what else to do aside from going to the darn (only this wasn't the exact adjective I used) school and sitting right beside him in that class every day. And we agreed to crack down harder.   Take away ALL the privileges this time!  


I have to say that above all the challenges parenting has brought me thus far (even the constant bickering between them and the endless lobbying to wear shorts in the dead of winter) THIS is the hardest.  


The direct reflection I feel that my children are of myself.


Although they are each their own persons with their own wills and personalities, I feel personally responsible for each and every move they make and action they take even when I am not with them.  Especially when I am not with them.


And although I am a little ashamed to admit this, the bottom line is that when they act bad...I look bad.  Or at least it feels that way. And who likes to look bad?  Not me! 


I did not expect to feel this way before I became a parent.  Nobody wrote that down as advice at my baby shower, not a one of those "what to expect" parenting books devoted a chapter to it and my mother didn't warn me about it.  


I expected the sleepless nights, the messes, the occasional defiance, and even the worry. But the one challenge I never saw coming was this one...The unsuspecting way I could be right in the middle of an otherwise perfectly fine day and have someone jerk a knot in my tail, pee in my corn flakes, or eat my bowl of sunshine all up with one little phone call, note or email informing me that my kid...mine...was being anything less than perfect.   


And the fact that the quietest of quiet girls in the class grew up to be the mother of the class clown is just further proof that God?  Has a wicked sense of humor!  


**This post inspired by Mama Kat's writing prompt, "Your biggest parenting challenge and/or joy" and Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday's Letter C.

It's Okay!

Hey, It's Okay...

~To have gone nearly a week without writing a new post simply because you couldn't think of anything to say even though you have a million thoughts running through your mind pretty much every minute of every day.  


~To be annoyed when a Jehovah's witness shows up at your door but to also think, "Man this lady has some balls guts behind her passion!"  


~To have still not finished painting the bonus room you started on Saturday because you ran out of steam at five o'clock and haven't yet had the motivation to get back into it.  


~To be a little sad that the Betta fish (that was supposed to belong to your son but would have died two years ago had you not stepped in to take care of it) died last night and is currently awaiting burial in a cardboard jewelry box because you are such a sentimental sap that you always bury the fish, hermit crabs and whatever other kind of creature dies or is found dead in your presence.


~To still have sore calves from going up and down the stairs to the bonus room so many times on Saturday.  Apparently those muscles don't get much attention in Pilates and Zumba.  


~To be more than a little sick of the sound of your neighbor's leaf blower.


~To not be able to watch Sister Wives without wishing one of the wives would break bad and demand monogamy.


~To think it's nuts that the town's Christmas decorations were put up the week after Halloween.


~To like Adele even more after finding out she has a Dachshund named Louie.


~To think this is hilarious because you.can.relate!...

*If you need more okayness, go visit Amber at Airing My Dirty Laundry!

In My Own Backyard...

The weather has been so beautiful here this week with high temps around 70, bright blue skies and glorious colors all around.  Monday afternoon I stepped out into the backyard with Dracen, the Darlings, and the Canon and tried my best to digitally capture some of that beauty.

Close up of the leaves from a small Maple tree in the backyard...

View from the sunroom...

One of the many big, beautiful oaks that surround us on all sides...

The Darlings in action...

Weathervane atop the well house...

We threw some old squash out over the fence several weeks back and ended up with several gourds that made their way into my dining room to join the others I had already bought since I had no idea I was growing my own...

My knockout rose bush out front is still in full bloom.  If you look through the dining room window you can see it.  I love eating in there and admiring it.  This old dough bowl belonged to my great-great grandmother.  I filled it with a few of my...ahem...many wine corks and some leaves Dracen picked up a couple of weeks ago...

And speaking of Dracen, here he is making his best shot from the trampoline...

Have  you ever seen a bluer sky?  

Another shot of the maple tree...

This picture reminds me of the motto of the preschool both boys attended, "Mighty oaks from little acorns grow!"...

This holly bush grows just outside my bedroom window.  I love the look of the red berries against the orange and yellow leaves...

I'm not sure who's advising whom here but I think this is a frame worthy shot...

I love the speckles on this majestic canopy of leaves...

Kicking up some leaves with sock feet and little paws... 

This shot was taken from the front yard. It's not often I find myself with the camera in hand at the exact same moment heaven is shining its light down like this. I've always found that so magical.  It takes my breath away...

Thanks for joining me for this glimpse of how fall shows out for us here in my little neck of the woods.  I hope it puts on a good show in your neck of the woods too!   


**This post inspired by Mama Kat's writing prompt, "Fall in your neighborhood! Share some Fall pictures that capture the season in your neck of the woods." and Jenny Matlock's  Alphabe-Thursday's Letter B.