Friday Fragments

~Dracen said he wanted a pair of cowboy boots for Christmas.  I said, "I wonder what size you'd need in cowboy boots"?  He replied, "Santa will know...If he's really magic." 


~He also wanted to know why the foster child I picked the angel off the angel tree to buy a gift for didn't get stuff from Santa. I tried to think of a good answer but I mostly stumbled around my words.  


~I bought the big size jar of Nutella yesterday at the grocery store.  Seriously?  I need an intervention!  


~We are going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tomorrow in Greenville, SC.  I'm excited since I've never seen them before!  


~Does anyone know where I can buy a trash can for my kitchen that is Dachshund proof?  Because Brisco Darling can't seem to keep his nose out of the one I've got!  He knocked it over again twice yesterday.  I also caught him digging at the end of the house after he pawed the plastic drain pipe apart from the gutters.  He apparently doesn't believe the elves are watching.


~Devin had somehow managed to break his big binder for school in half and had been carrying it around like that, with no cover.  I finally remembered to buy him a new one this week and he didn't want it.  I had to force him to put his stuff in it.  Then a girl at school  took a pink paint maker and wrote his name in ginormous letters across the front with the little breast cancer awareness ribbon at the bottom (which I thought was a nice touch).  He said, "I need a new binder!  I cannot carry this thing around like this! "   I told him to either get over it or get creative and cover it up somehow.


~Dracen made a little drawing at school of these little houses with faces on them and called it "The People House Town."  Charlie and I thought it was really creative and said he should take it further and submit it to Disney or Nickelodeon because it's a lot better than some of that stuff they put on t.v.  Charlie continued to encourage him, telling him how if it was a hit, he could eventually sell it to them for big bucks.  He said he would never do that.  Spoken like a true artist!  "Never sell out out to the man!"  


~I'm getting my "hair did" at 8:30 this morning so I must sign off!


Happy Friday, Y'all!  :) 


**Linking to Friday Fragments at Half-Past Kissin' Time.

    

The Fairy Princess and the Wiener Shark

"This hat is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not going to look at you!"

"You think you've got it bad?! Hmph!"

"Help!  Somebody!  Anybody?!"  

"Be afraid...Be very afraid!"  

Happy Hallowiener!

Dexter...The Wiener Dog Outlaw

Y'all have heard me talk a lot about the Darling Dachsies, Brisco "Big Boy" and Charlene "Li'l Bit", and about Dixie Dog the Dachshund who was such a big part of my life for so many years.  But I have not spent much time talking about Dexter Dog, also a Dachshund (surprise!). 


Dexter was a Dappled Dachshund (chocolate merle) and the best surprise gift I have ever received.  Dixie Dog was five years old when Darin and Devin came home with Dexter, a tiny puppy, as a Mother's Day gift in 2001.  My heart melted into a big ol' pile of mush when that tiny flop-eared pup got out of the truck and marched up to me with his proud little head held high.  Dixie Dog was not exactly thrilled about her new roommate but eventually she whooped him into submission he won her over.  


Dexter had a bit of a wild hair and he wanted so much to be the alpha dog, a title Miss Dixie was not about to surrender.  Dixie never left the yard.  She knew the boundaries and stuck to them.  Dexter...not so much.  He went next door and barked at the neighbors when they were in the yard and ran circles around them while I tried to catch him, he was known to bite at the shoes and ankles of new people who came to the house and jump up in a chair at the table and eat your food right off your plate if you turned your back for too long.  


But he was also a very sweet and loving little dachsie who, like most all dachsies, could steal your heart right out from under you. If I held him or put him in the bedroom until the new people were seated in the house I could then let him out and he would love them to pieces.  


After Darin's accident though he became a little harder to handle. I believe he felt a little lost (well, all of us did) without the person he saw as the leader of his pack and thought it his utmost duty and honor to protect his family. And to him that meant biting our neighbor's ankles as she tried to take her daily walk.  


I was struggling.  With grief.  With caring for a baby and a four year old on my own.  With life as I knew it.  We didn't live on a busy street and usually he'd go right out, do his business and come right back. 


Well this particular day, I let him out and then went to tend to my crying baby when I heard him barking like mad. I went to the door to see him at the top of the driveway and the neighbor jumping around.  I yelled at him and she yelled back at me, "Do you know your dog BITES?!" 


Ohhh.....crap! 


I was between a rock and a hard place.  He tended to get more brave if I was with him so my fear was that if I walked up there he would only bite her again.  I decided to make my way up there and managed to wrangle him in though I think he did get a couple of more nips in first.  She was gracious.  She really was.  She, after all, knew what I was going through.  She just wanted to know if he had had all his shots which, thank goodness, he had.  


I apologized profusely, took my bad little wiener in the house and went on about my day which consisted of running some errands.  Later that afternoon when I picked the boys up at my mother-in-law's, my sister-in-law (who was there picking up her kids), informed me that the neighbor (who worked with her...it's a small town!) had come to see  their nurse just to get her bites checked out because she was actually off that day.  


And the nurse informed her that she had no other choice but to report it to the police because there was a law stating that if someone came to her with a dog bite, she had to report it. Well, my nerves did not need this!  


I got home to find a police officer's card stuck in my front door.  He had written... your dog bite a person please call me.  I remember because the fact that he wrote bite instead of bit and did not capitalize or punctuate really got under my skin. 


So I was a good citizen and called the police department to be told that I would need to come on down to the station to show proof of his rabies vaccination and to sign a form that stated I agreed to keep him quarantined for a few days.  I honestly think he was trying to fight back laughter over the fact of the matter... this tiny little wiener dog had been reported for unruly conduct.    


I  wasted no time having my backyard fenced in, which he loathed, but it had to be done.  


Dexter Dog got sick that Fall.  The vets determined he had an autoimmune disease, Hemolytic Anemia, and despite all the efforts of the animal hospital team and all the money I spent, he died about three days later.  I was, of course, devastated.  He was only three and a half years old.  And that was seven years ago this month.


But still to this day we laugh about little Dexter Dog stories, especially that one about the time he got in trouble with the law!

If I Was a Hoarder...

To know me is to know of my obsession with love for all things wiener dog.  I cannot help myself.  I am just drawn to those little long dogs and have been since 1995 when I first fell hook, line and sinker in love with a long haired Dachshund I called Dixie Dog who was my constant companion and shadow for 14 years.  


And I have spent much time here on this blog talking about the Darling Dachsies we adopted nearly two years ago.  Heck, they are even over there in my "about me" section.  I dress them up and take pictures of them that I then sometimes post here on this blog which I realize probably causes some of you to throw up in your mouth a little, click quietly away as quickly as you came, or just chalk me up as being slightly off my rocker.   


But I know there are those of you who understand and maybe even find it somewhat endearing, either because you are an over the top wiener dog and/or animal lover and tree hugger type yourself or because you have a similar obsession love of something in your life that prompts people to wonder about your sense of sanity at times.  


I've talked here before about how I would love to be a foster for the dachshund rescue organization we adopted the Darlings from but don't because knowing myself the way I do, I fear I would just not be able to part with any of the precious little wieners I took under my wing and would thus find myself with a house full of them and then the cast and crew of that Animal Planet show, Confessions: Animal Hoarding would eventually come a knockin' at my door.  


Okay, that wouldn't really happen because number one,  animal hoarding is cruel and number two, it's flat out disgusting.  Have y'all seen that show?  Well, I have and let me just say that I will not be hopping aboard that bus in this lifetime.  


I've also seen more than my fair share of Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive episodes.  I can't, no matter how hard I try, turn away from that madness.  I mean, y'all, the dysfunction they uncover on these shows puts the Jerry Springer Show to shame.  You just can't make this stuff up. Who are these people and why do they feel this compelling need to keep every stitch of clothing they've ever worn,   every Q-tip they've ever stuck in their ear and every pizza box and stray cat to ever show up on their front porch?


I mean...come on!  Is this hoarding or is this extreme laziness?  There's a thin line, people...a thin line. 


But anyway, back to what I was saying...about the wiener dogs.  If (and that's a big if) I was a hoarder type, I suppose I'd be hoarding up wiener dog paraphernalia. You know?  Stuff like this...

And yes, all that stuff really is in my house but none of it is on the floor covered in cat puke and/or goat hair, buried underneath ten year's worth of garbage, being gnawed on by sewer rats and multiplied by five thousand and two. 


But if I was a hoarder, you can bet your sweet cheeks that's the type of stuff I'd be dumpster diving for....


Just as soon as A&E's Hoarders truck pulled out of my driveway.


What would you hoard?  Mama Kat wants to know.  
  

Doggone Days of Summer...

Monday: The boys fought, bickered and argued until I nearly fell off the cliff of sanity I was dangling by a thread on.  Banned them from the t.v., the XBox, the computer and phone indefinitely and sent them to their rooms for a really long time.  


Tuesday: Absolutely had to get out of the house so although it was 98 degrees outside and they had acted like tyrants just the day before, I loaded those two up in the car and headed to the nearest  HomeGoods which is a good 45 minutes away.

And the whole way there I kept telling myself that either the heat was getting to me bad or that I had finally lost my mind completely. But to know me is to know that once I get my mind set on something I get a little obsessive about it and cannot rest until I get it done.  And that thing is currently a new mirror to hang over a dresser in our bedroom that I just recently painted that lovely shade of aqua smoke.    

I didn't find the mirror but I have to say behaviors were greatly improved.  All I had to do was look at them and say something like, "You don't ever want that XBox back do you?" and they'd straighten right up!   We even went to Wally World to buy groceries afterwards.  I must have been feeling especially brave and powerful.
  
Wednesday: Due to the extreme heat index outside and the loss of all things electronic, and much to my great delight and astonishment, they began to play a civil game of Yahtzee at the kitchen table and nobody threw a single punch. 
Ahhh....things were looking up.  So I allowed them use of the big t.v. as long as they were able to continue to agree on what to watch which mostly turned out to be American Pickers and that Pawn Shop show. Whatever happened to Looney Tunes?    


Thursday: Due to boredom Dracen dumped out my basket of doggie  clothes and proceeded to have a fashion show with the Darling Wieners.  He'd disappear into the sunroom with the confiscated wiener dog, shut both sets of french doors in an overly dramatic fashion and reappear with a donned out Dachsie.   

It was cute but due to lack of enthusiasm and several looks of mortification and disgust from the Darlings, I had to put a halt to the wiener dog runway.  
I asked them to go outside and check for ripe blackberries behind the fence.  They came back within five minutes to inform me that we have no ripe and luscious berries to speak of. 


Devin then tried to talk Dracen into going outside to throw some baseballs but he said he was much too relaxed in the house to go out into the heat.  And when he pointed out that I wasn't going outside, I informed him that I played outside all day most every day when I was growing up.  


So they went outside for all of 15 minutes and came back inside with the mail that they'd apparently been fighting over who was going to get out of the mailbox.  There was much debate and whining over who did and said what so I put them in their rooms until further notice and turned off Pawn Stars.  


Morales were greatly improved upon their return to the living room and they actually played nicely outside for awhile last night without any encouragment or force.  


Friday:  Just got a call from my dad aka Pawpaw Paul informing me that he is on his way up from Georgia for their birthdays which are this Sunday and Monday. 


The Darlings will be thrilled to have someone new in the house to avert the Dracenator's attention...  


Ah, a day in the life...

Wordless Wiener Wednesday....Ladies' Man

The Wiener Fever and Reality T.V.

Hello.  My name is Diane and I am a Dachsaholic. 


So we made our second trip to the annual North Carolina Wiener Roast on Saturday and just like last year, I came home with the fever.  You know how some women get baby fever when they're around babies and their uterus starts to ache for another?  


Well I don't get that but I come down with the wiener dog fever about once a quarter, with my worst case coming on after I've attended the wiener roast where I am surrounded by Dachshund lovers with their Dachsies of all shapes, sizes, colors, and personalities.  


I know I could become a foster and help lots of little wieners find their forever homes but I know me and I know how easily and quickly I become attached to those little long dogs so I know I would just end up with a house full of them that I just could not, under any circumstances, part with.  


And then my family and friends would stage an intervention against me and you'd see me on that Animal Planet show, Confessions: Animal Hoarding, where I'd be trying to convince some therapist why I really and truly do need a hundred and twenty one wiener dogs living in my house. 


And Charlie and the boys would be all..."Look!  It's us or the dogs!"  and I'd be all, "Can I sleep on it?"  And that's never good.  


Speaking of freaky reality t.v. shows, I watched one last night that frightened me a little.  I had not planned on it.  It just kinda happened.  No, really. 


You see, I was watching Sister Wives  (because how can anyone not watch a show about a family consisting of one husband, four wives and a hundred and fifty kids?) and it came on right after that and I just could not turn away.  Could not.  It was that whole train wreck syndrome thing.  


Oh, but before I tell you about the freakiest of freak shows, I have to talk about Kody Brown and his wives for just a moment.  Did any of y'all see this last night? 


The family was planning a big move to Vegas because they were all over the top with paranoia about being prosecuted for their polygamous lifestyle after coming out on TLC last year and Janelle (wife number 2 and the wife who seems to me to have the most brains of the four wives) got upset with Kody because she thought they should leave a day earlier than he was planning to leave.  


So he goes over to Christine, wife number 3, and starts whining to her about the argument he just had with Janelle, saying how unreasonable she was being. 


And y'all.  I just about fell out of my chair when he referred to her as "your sister wife".  She says, "No, she's your wife."  And he says, "No, right now she's your sister wife!"  like you would say to your spouse when your kid is being a little tyrant..."Did you see that big A. mess your son just made?!"


I could not believe my ears.  I had to rewind that sucker for an instant replay.  


All I can say is I hope last night wasn't his night to sleep with Janelle because if she watched the airing of that episode then I'm willing to bet Kody Brown was in deep polygamy horse dookie with wife number 2.  


But that was absolutely nothing compared to the freakiness of the show that came on afterwards.  It was about a man who could not get his 600 pound girlfriend fat enough.  He encourages her to stuff her face to her heart's content and is trying to help her reach her goal of 1,000 pounds.  Say what?!


He confessed that he finds nothing sexier or more appealing than rolls and rolls of fat covered in cellulite.  And apparently, he is not the only one because there is actually a term for his fetish.  Feederism.  


If I was a betting woman, I would bet my wiener dogs that  Dr. Phil and Jillian Michaels would give their right arms to get a piece of that crazy train action. 


And I'd tune in to watch. 


But I'd never really hand over my wiener dogs.  

Fancy Friday...TGIF! and a Wiener Roast

I can't remember the last time I was so happy to see Friday arrive.   I'm sure that about two weeks into the summer, okay one week, I'll  be at my wit's end with the two fighting brothers on my hands all day every day but I am so ready for this school year to end.  


Since when did we start having more homework the last 3 weeks of school?  All year Dracen's second grade homework pretty much consisted of reading 15 minutes a night and one math sheet with a front and back to it.  But for the past few nights that one math sheet has turned into four two-sided math sheets.  


Not to mention the two back to back baseball games we have twice a week now.  And do you know how hard it is to get the Dracenator to be still and focus on that many math problems at one time when he's been restrained in the institution known as public school all day long?


Let's just say I've been finding the breathing techniques I learned in yoga most helpful these past couple of weeks. 


I had thought about talking about swimsuits for this edition of Fancy Friday but since I was unable to focus my eyes on this screen late last night, that's not going to be happening today.  Instead, I'm just gonna show you some random things that have caught my eye this week...


Drops of Jupiter Aqua Gold Earrings
Now you're going to be singing that Train song in your head all day, aren't you?  You're welcome.

Filtered Rays Top
I'm loving this top from Anthropologie. Those mesh sleeves add just the right amount of fancy and I love the v-neckline.  Also comes in grey and a light shade of purple.  

Deux Lux Duffel Bag
I saw this overnight/weekender bag in O Magazine and just fell in love with it.  It comes in 6 different color combinations.  

IssacMizrahiLive! Bracelet

This bracelet was featured in Redbook.  Love!  And sorry,  but that photo refused to be copied, saved, uploaded or otherwise so click that link.  

Pintuck Hem Cotton Voile Skirt

I love a lightweight skirt, like this one from The Loft, for summer.  Great alternative to shorts or capris.  Comes in 7 different colors.

Have y'all been in Target lately and seen the new Calypso St. Barth for Target beachwear items?  Cute, cute stuff!  I'm loving this Print Dress in Turquoise...

And this Medallion Print Tunic.

Stretch Voile Kaftan
Is this kaftan by Athleta not one of the cutest cover ups you have ever seen?  Comes in two other colors.

Collective Concepts Striped Dolman Top
This dolman top from Piperlime just looks so soft and comfy doesn't it?  

And how cute would it look with these Capacious Trousers and a cute little pair of wedge sandals?  

Like this pair by Jessica Simpson?

And since it is now going on 11 o'clock and I've got about a humpteen gazillion loads of laundry to do, an entire house to clean, and groceries to buy, I must bid you all adieu.  


Hope y'all have a great weekend.  I will be heading to Jamestown, NC tomorrow for the annual North Carolina Wiener Roast where I will be surrounded by all things wiener dog.  Heaven on earth, it is...heaven on earth!

Weekend Recap

Spring seems to have packed up its bags and headed straight outta town without so much as a note, a kiss goodbye or a forwarding address.  How rude.

The rain and cold temps. did not, however, stop Brisco "Big Boy" Darling the wiener dog from going outside and slinging red mud all over the backyard yesterday afternoon, forcing us to bathe him twice.  And even after I made him look me in the eye when I demanded, "DON'T DIG."  in my best Darth Vader voice.  I guess I wasn't scary enough. 

Speaking of scary, I finally had the first of the two root canals on Friday and maybe it was due to the anti-anxiety medicine they gave me to take before my appointment, but (and I can't believe I'm saying this) it was not that bad.  Really.  

The sound of him opening up the tooth with that drill was a little intimidating but after that, I was kicked back and relaxed in my sexy red-tinted shades they put on me, and found it amusing when his assistant told me that she'd give my husband the same instructions she was giving me just in case I couldn't remember. 

Come again?  Why would I not remember? Apparently, it happens a lot with patients under the influence of the anti-anxiety medication they gave me, Halcion.  I remember everything.  From the first shot (that managed to numb the entire left side of my face, including my eye) to the paying of the big fat bill at the end, which was actually the worst part of the whole experience. 

I asked Charlie to stop at Sonic on the way home for a shake and he at first thought I was kidding since I've been on this calorie-counting kick for the past week but I was so not kidding.  I couldn't eat and I figured I deserved a little treat since I was such a big girl at my appointment and all.  

I got home and went straight to the laptop to look up how many calories are in a regular sized hot fudge shake from Sonic.  Do you have any idea?  Care to guess?  SIX HUNDRED AND EIGHT!  6.0.8. calories in one little shake.  

I gasped, slammed the laptop shut and slept for the next 3 hours.  Devin creeped into the sunroom where I was awake but still lying down when he got off the bus and asked if I was knocked out.  I had warned them that I may be since I'd never taken this drug before and didn't want them to be freaked out to come home and see me in a semi-comatose state. 

He seemed relieved that I was indeed awake and wanted to make sure I remembered that he had cleaned his room the day before so that he could have a friend sleep over.  I assured him that I remembered though looking back on it, I should have faked amnesia and messed with him a little bit.  Gah, I always get the best ideas way after the fact. 

Saturday afternoon Charlie and I had a movie date.  We saw Limitless  which was very entertaining, although I could have done without the violent parts and the young couple in the back of the theater who could not seem to control their chatter, giggling, endless trips to the bathroom/concession stand and the dropping of some sort of candy all over the floor, which they found absolutely hysterical.  

I looked back to shoot them my evil eye when at the same time Charlie turned around and asked them, (though it didn't really sound so much like a question) in his best Darth Vader voice, to be quiet. And they obliged. We didn't hear so much as a peep out of them after that.

Maybe next time I should ask him to give the "don't dig in the mud" speech to that stubborn little wiener dog. 

What was THAT?!

I was sitting in the sunroom with the Darling Wiener Dogs yesterday morning reading blogs, sipping coffee and minding my own when I heard a noise.  

My fingers froze on the keyboard and my super sonic hearing kicked in.  I cut my eyes from side to side and leaned into the air real close but saw or heard nothing except the tick tock, tick tock of the clock and the snoozing of the sleeping Darlings.  

I allowed myself to sit back and relax finally when I heard it again, only LouDER and this time I swore it was coming from the roof.  My heart was thumping as I jumped up off the couch, ran to the doors to lock them and Boom Thump Scatter, Boom Thump Scatter, it went again. 

Now the Darlings are up barking and on edge, running back and forth from the door to the windows...

What tha? Something is on the roof.  SomeBODY is on the roof!  My mind is running wild...I'm thinking of leprechauns, those crazy little garden gnomes like in the movie or, or even worse! 

What if it's a rabid raccoon or possum or a giant river rat or even, OMG....a person!? Some crazy man is on the top of my house trying to find a way in here to...to...kill me!! 

This sound is way too loud to be a tiny little chipmunk or squirrel.  No way could a squirrel make that much noise! 

I finally got up my nerve to walk out on the deck but saw or heard nothing.  I went back inside thinking I must finally be having that nervous breakdown I've been warning the demolition duo I'm going to have for the past 6 years when I look out the window and see him sitting there like some sort of statue of a Greek god, gazing out into the yard as if he was the mighty king and ruler over all the land.

He even had the nerve to look over at me once while I was taking his picture.  I'd swear the little piss ant was taunting me.  After I took about five hundred and thirty two pics of him, I decided to walk outside and around to where he was, just to see what he'd do.

And of course, the little chicken sh** had vanished into thin air leaving the wieners sniffing the ground and cocking their baffled little heads up to his empty throne...

Crazy Squirrel!