My Biggest Parenting Challenge

I was always the shy, quiet girl who went out of my way to avoid drawing attention to myself in school.  I was bewildered by the class clown type, even when I secretly found their antics hysterical,  because that personality was so very different from my own. I just could not fathom possessing that kind of carefree gumption.   


And really, I am still that way.  I go out of my way to avoid uncomfortable situations and confrontations.  I recently read an article in which someone referred to herself as "conversationally challenged" and the words leapt off the page at me. Because that?  Is so me.  


Conversationally challenged is exactly what I am.  I stumble over my words, if I can find them at all, and end up walking away or hanging up the phone shaking my head and feeling completely frustrated because I know I did not say what I felt, thought and intended to say.  

And I had one of those moments this afternoon when I got a call from a teacher (the third time I have heard from this teacher this year) informing me, yet again, that my son is still being unruly and  disruptive in her class. That she finds it disrespectful. And that she wants it to stop.


It felt like an attack on me and my parenting skills and I wanted to shout, "You and me both, girlfriend!  You and me, both!"  But of course I didn't.  Instead I asked her what exactly he was doing to which she replied "just constantly giggling, cutting up and talking amongst his friends." I apologized three times and told her we had talked and talked to him about this and thought we had the problem solved and that we will deal with it.  


Then I hung up the phone, threw a few four letter words around and sent Charlie a message pretty much stating that I was at my wit's end and did not know what else to do aside from going to the darn (only this wasn't the exact adjective I used) school and sitting right beside him in that class every day. And we agreed to crack down harder.   Take away ALL the privileges this time!  


I have to say that above all the challenges parenting has brought me thus far (even the constant bickering between them and the endless lobbying to wear shorts in the dead of winter) THIS is the hardest.  


The direct reflection I feel that my children are of myself.


Although they are each their own persons with their own wills and personalities, I feel personally responsible for each and every move they make and action they take even when I am not with them.  Especially when I am not with them.


And although I am a little ashamed to admit this, the bottom line is that when they act bad...I look bad.  Or at least it feels that way. And who likes to look bad?  Not me! 


I did not expect to feel this way before I became a parent.  Nobody wrote that down as advice at my baby shower, not a one of those "what to expect" parenting books devoted a chapter to it and my mother didn't warn me about it.  


I expected the sleepless nights, the messes, the occasional defiance, and even the worry. But the one challenge I never saw coming was this one...The unsuspecting way I could be right in the middle of an otherwise perfectly fine day and have someone jerk a knot in my tail, pee in my corn flakes, or eat my bowl of sunshine all up with one little phone call, note or email informing me that my kid...mine...was being anything less than perfect.   


And the fact that the quietest of quiet girls in the class grew up to be the mother of the class clown is just further proof that God?  Has a wicked sense of humor!  


**This post inspired by Mama Kat's writing prompt, "Your biggest parenting challenge and/or joy" and Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday's Letter C.

Pajama Drama

pa·ja·ma dra·ma   [puh-jah-muh  drah-muh]Situation that develops when a strong-willed child wants to wear his pajamas to school because he's under the impression it's pajama day but his parents tell him he cannot because there is nothing in his agenda nor is there any mention on the school's website that such shenanigans will be taking place today

eat·ing 

crow   [ee-ting  kroh]  
The humbling act of acknowledging that one has indeed been proven wrong


A good example would be when a mother of a strong-willed child, who is in the midst of a pajama drama induced fit, picks up the phone in order to call the school office to prove to said child that he must be confused about today being pajama day since there was no note, memo, message or otherwise anywhere to speak of about such shenanigans taking place today only to be told that yes, today is indeed pajama day and that for some odd reason unknown to any of them, nothing was placed in the teachers' mailboxes as it should have been so the teachers were told to inform the children of it yesterday at the end of the day and then having to hang up the phone and tell the strong-willed child that he was indeed correct and could proceed to wear his pajamas to school after all.  




So how was your morning?  

Fancy Friday...Brr!

Last week I told y'all it was picture day at the elementary school.  I managed to talk Dracen into moving one step up from a t-shirt to a polo for the big day.  Something I don't think I've been able to get his brother to do since preschool.  


And speaking of his brother... Since he is in middle school this year they are on completely different schedules with everything, including picture day.  I interrogated him about it last week and he informed me that his was coming up and he already had the form in his locker at school.  You have to pay up front.  And whether they smile, frown, or stick their tongues out I am going to have me a  picture to document every year of their  K through 12 public school educations.  


Wednesday morning I just happened to see on facebook that picture day was the next day so I went straight to the refrigerator and made a note with my big arse mom Sharpie so I would not forget.  And I did not forget.  


"Devin, I saw on facebook (he always cringes when he hears those words come out of my mouth) that picture day is tomorrow.  Where is your form?"  


"In my binder", he replied.  "Well, where exactly is your binder?" I snapped back.  


And he gives me the saucer eyes and the Ohhh crap, I'm in deep horse doo doo now! look and says, ever so sheepishly, "In my locker.  At school."  


I threatened to revoke his electronic privileges if he did not phone, text, or facebook a friend to find out some information about who was taking those pictures.  I had to then remind him two more times to do this but what with all my other mom duties around here, I completely forgot to question him a third time until after he was in bed.


Yesterday morning I questioned him a final time and of course he had not found out anything at all about the pictures.  "Nobody else is buying any!"  was the answer I got. "Since when do I care what everybody else is doing?!" I shot back.  "I WANT A PICTURE...AN 8 BY 10 TO GO ON THE WALL TO REPLACE THE ONE FROM LAST YEAR!"  


So I did what any good mother would do.  I put on my best house shoes, rolled my hair up tight in rollers, drove to the school and walked with him to his locker (talking and waving to everyone we passed along the way) to get that form filled out.  


And if you believe that,  then you don't know me at all.  


Oh how I wish I had that kind of gumption and lack of shame in my game.


No.  Instead I gave him the same amount of money I paid for Dracen's package (assuming it was most likely the same company) and told him that if he did not fill out that form, put that money in it and hand it to that photographer then he could kiss his modern day technological conveniences goodbye.  So he did it. But not without informing me that he was the only one in two classes with picture money.  


Their parents probably didn't get the memo. Facebook stalking does has its advantages.


And no, he did not wear anything special. I learned a long time ago that we have to choose our battles when it comes to parenting a stubborn child (26 hours of labor followed by a c-section because he just refused to come out).  I noticed as I was handing him the money and laying down the law that he was wearing an almost identical American Eagle t-shirt to the one he wore in his picture last year. The biggest difference was the letters.  The ones last year were flat and these were embroidered. Or something kinda like it.  


Anyway, I did not mean to get off on a mom rant this morning.  I really came here to talk about fashion and such.  And while I would not wear a shirt with giant letters spelling AMERICAN EAGLE across the front, I would wear this cabled sweater  with "American Eagle" on the label inside that is looking very cozy to me this morning since it is a chilly 37 degrees here.  Brr!

So is this...


Faux shearling coat by Coldwater Creek.

Turquoise Mosaic Ring
Every once in awhile I'll stumble upon a ring that I think I could fully get on board and commit to wearing on a regular basis on my right hand.  And this is one of those rings.  

Cooperative Suede Cap Toe Skimmer
I really have no idea what is meant by a "cooperative" shoe but I just thought these were too cute for words. Not that I go around saying things like "too cute for words" but you know...  

Asymmetrical Cashmere Sweater
I love this, especially in camel...

TOKYOBay Century Cuff Watch
Garnet Hill says this watch was made for the "urbanite at heart".  Well, I can assure you I am not one of those but I still love this watch.  

Tropical Sunset Earrings
I just thought these looked happy.

Winnie Satchel by Imoshion
I saw this in a magazine (can't remember which one) and think I could see myself getting really attached to it. Comes in three colors.

Journey's End Beige Purse Melie Bianco
I'm really feeling the vibe this one is throwing off too.

Falling Leaves Pendant Necklace Set
How very fallish!

Cowl Neck Top by Mystree
I love everything about this.

Talgarth Pencil Skirt
I see this with some tights and a pair of chunky heels.

And speaking of heels...


Strappy Mary Jane
There is just something about a mary jane that sucks me in every time and this pair is no exception.  They also come in brown.

AEO IKAT Loop Scarf
I think this scarf is just as equally happy as those tropical sunset earrings up there.  

Hope y'all have a Happy Friday!  I think we're gonna head up the mountain sometime this weekend to see if there are any leaves still on the trees up there.  Our big oaks in the yard are still mostly green!  

Third Grade Field Trip...Fractions, Bones, and um, Squirrels

I went to Asheville today for a third grade field trip to a science center.  I ate lunch with another boy kid since my own boy kid decided that sitting up on the rock wall was way better than down low where I was sitting in the courtyard.


The boy kid I ate beside showed me every single item he took out of his lunchbox including a nice note from his mother telling him she hoped he had a good time.  And y'all?  He was really proud of that note.  Somehow, I get the feeling that my putting a mushy note in one of my boys' lunches would not be as well received.  Dracen would possibly blow it off but Devin would view that as embarrassing torment in the third degree and would still be bringing it up years later.  


Just like that time I tried to catch up with him in the hallway after a field trip and he practically ran from me and pretended he had severe hearing loss.  He wanted nothing more than for me to disappear. Or for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 


When I arrived at the science center, which is in downtown Asheville, the buses were already unloading in front of the building and I had no inkling whatsoever as to where I was supposed to park.  So I rode around and around and around the block three times, hitting every single stoplight on red in the process before finally finding a parking deck.  


By the time I got in the place I must have looked like Dorothy arriving in the land of Oz because I had three different people ask if they could help me. With some direction, I finally found Dracen's class in the third floor classroom talking about (of all things) fractions.  Fractions and I do not have a very civil relationship and this goes way back to my own school days.  


The man was teaching them about odds...the odds of guessing right by flipping a coin, rolling a die, rolling two dice and yada, yada, yada... Did y'all know that your best odds of guessing correctly when two dice are rolled is with the number seven?  Well, it is.  I suppose that's maybe how the number seven earned the "Lucky Number 7" title, huh?  Should I have known this?  I feel like I should have known this. Did you know?  Don't answer that.  


Unless the answer is no.  


Anyway, moving on.  Next up was bones.  The girl...okay, woman ( I have a bad habit of calling anyone more than five years younger than me "girl") was clearly not about to take any crap off of any 8 year olds up in her bones class.  She was on a tight time schedule and therefore did not want to hear about anybody's broken bone stories and sure as heck didn't want any squirrely behavior. Yes, she called them squirrels about five different times and I thought she was going to strangle the boy who kept saying, "I'm not a squirrel!  I'm a human being!  I'm not a squirrel!  I'm a human being!" 


Hey, I was on her side.  


Charlie once described Dracen like a little squirrel in the middle of the road.  Have you ever come up on a squirrel in the road and slowed down (please tell me you slow down for critters in the road or I don't want to know you) and the crazy spastic, little thing can't figure out if he wants to go to the left or the right so he goes back and forth and back and forth until he finally dashes up a tree?  Well, if you've witnessed that, then you have an idea what my Dracen is like the majority of the time.  

But I digress.  


Back to the bones class... Clearly, these kids had been studying their bone facts because I was impressed with what they knew about bones.  They were naming different types of joints...gliding joints, hinged joints, ball and socket joints... The little brains threw out many bone terms and Ms. Squirrel Teacher seemed quite happy with their knowledge.  


"So", she said, "Is there anything else you can think of that goes along with bones?"  And I just about fell off my chair when one of the boys that had been trying his best to tell his personal stories throughout the presentation shouted out, "Meat!".  And even she had to laugh at that one.  It was, after all, time for lunch...


Where I sat and conversed with the boy kid who didn't belong to me while eating my meat turkey sandwich and yelling across the courtyard at my own boy kid who was busy demonstrating his climbing and balancing skills on the edge of a rock wall.


You have to keep your eye on those unpredictable squirrels. You never know when they might fall and, I don't know...break a bone.   

School Woes and Another Furniture Makeover...

Well, we've almost made it through our first full week of school without any major complaints or problems.  Though Devin did ask me if I could ugly him up some when he got in the car yesterday because four girls had asked him out in one day and he wanted nada, zilch, zippo to do with any of them. 


I did not have much sympathy for his poor little soul.  I didn't get asked out until I was 15!  And when did seventh grade girls start "asking out" boys anyway?  I don't recall much of that back when I was in school.  You know, way back when we had to walk five miles to the bus stop in the rain, sleet and snow?  


Dracen's chief complaint came yesterday when he got in the car holding his football and flying disc that he was quick to inform me he did not even get to play with because his class does not get to go to recess on days they have  p.e. although all the other kids get to! They had do go straight back to the classroom after lunch! What is this world coming to?  


As for me, I've been spending my few hours of serenity each day doing a little of this, that and the other.  Tuesday I went on another furniture painting spree by painting my little childhood rocking chair, Dracen's toy box and this nightstand from Charlie's 1970 something childhood bedroom set...

It has been in Devin's room so once I got to the bottom of the drawer I found that a piece of what looked like poster board had been duct taped to the bottom to cover up a big ol' sticky spot of Lord only knows what.  And I don't know if that was there from the days of Charlie's youth or something Devin did but I managed to get most of it scraped and sanded off before painting.


I first painted over the whole thing with two coats of Annie Sloan's Paris Grey before trimming with old white and then applying clear and dark wax with a little distressing here and there...

I'm really pleased with the way it turned out but I'm just not so sure it looks like it belongs in a boy's room now so I'm contemplating on that and on what I'm going to do with the desk and dresser/hutch that goes along with it. Hmm....

**Joining in for the first time with Miss Mustard Seed for Furniture Feature Friday!  Her blog is a wealth of information and I have spent much time in the past couple of weeks pouring through her photos and tutorials for inspiration.

Let's Paint!

The first day back to school yesterday went pretty smoothly other than the fact that Devin didn't really get any of his close friends in his classes and had rather drop dead than ride that bus with those older high school kids again.  His words: "I don't know...they were just wild and dropping the F bomb all over the place."  


Okay, okay, that was enough for me to hear.  The mornings aren't so bad with the time difference between middle and elementary schools but in the afternoon I will have a good 35 to 40 minutes after picking up Dray before getting Devin and the schools are very close and it's too far to come back home.  So looks like we'll be doing our 3rd grade reading in the car while we wait in the afternoons.   


Dracen set his alarm this morning for 6:00 and had taken a shower and was dressed and wanting breakfast by the time I got up.  You go on with your little bad 8 year old self, Dray Dray!  If this is any indication as to how our school year is going to go then I'm gonna be one happy mama.  (fingers crossed) 


In other news, I have been painting on some furniture around here like a crazy person.  It's like I was bitten by the furniture painting bug and now I have this crazy itch to constantly be making something over. I'm finding it extremely rewarding to take a a tired and worn or plain and boring piece and turn it into something I love to look at.  


This little cabinet has been in Dracen's room as a little nightstand. I believe it belonged to Charlie's grandmother and had obviously seen its better days years ago...

After painting his room last week it was really standing out as an eye sore and I had a burning itch to paint something so I took that tired old hardware off, sanded it a little, primed and painted it with some of the leftover paint I had used in Devin's room.  But of course it looked lighter over the white primer which I actually liked.  Then I freshened her (or maybe it's a him) up with a new little glass knob and spray painted the hinges with oil rubbed bronze spray paint.  Much better, I think... (and no, his whole room is not that dark...just the one wall!)

 My mother had given Charlie and me this little cabinet as a wedding gift because we had such an overflow in the kitchen at our old house.  My kitchen here is mostly white with red and black accents and I just kept seeing this cabinet black every time I looked at it...

And I know  you can't see the whole kitchen but it really goes so much better...

The following table belonged to my grandmother who died when I was four and it has been at my mother's house all these years.  It had been painted brown at one point in its life and was looking pretty sad...

Those before shots were taken in April of 2010 because that's about when I got it from my mom's garage and started trying to strip the paint.  At the time I had never painted, stained, stripped or even so much as thought about making over a piece of furniture.  I (with Charlie's help) ended up getting all the paint off the top but finally gave up on the legs and it has been sitting in the basement all this time collecting spider webs that Charlie was so kind to clean off for me before I would touch it with a ten foot pole.


I had originally thought I'd just stain the wood but that was before I found all these great do-it-yourself blogs by some amazingingly talented women and discovered Annie Sloan chalk paint which was designed specifically for painting furniture and giving it that old antique and/or distressed look.  You don't even have to sand or prime first...just start painting.  


There are really only a handful of stockist in the U.S. who sell it so I found one on the east coast and ordered a little starter kit which came with the old white paint, two waxes, a brush and a book by Annie Sloan.   


I'm so in love with this paint and how this table turned out that I ordered more in 3 other colors to use on my next victims projects around here.


She is currently residing in my bedroom...

And I can't stop looking at her...


Y'all have a great weekend!


  

School Days...

I'm not crying. I'm not. Really, I'm not. But I am a little teary because I just watched as my oldest boarded the bus to his first day of 7th grade...middle school!  I didn't expect to get emotional but as soon as my finger left the button of the camera after snapping a picture of him packing up his bag with his Mom, pleease! look on his face, I found myself fighting back the waterworks.   


I hated middle school.  Loathed it.  But I had to endure it for three grades and those still remain three of the most awkward and uncomfortable years of my life and I am now 40.  Thank God my kids aren't as shy as I was and seem to make friends easily. I mean I really, literally thank God for that on a regular basis.  


Middle school is not a good place to be when you are painfully shy which brings me to the writing prompt from Mama Kat's workshop I've chosen for this week, Top ten reasons why you're glad you're done with school ...


1.  I stink at math.  Basic math, no problem.  But start throwing logarithms and compound fractions my way and I break out into a cold sweat and begin hyperventilating.  Okay, maybe it's not quite that bad but oh, what I would have given for good ol' Google back in the day!  It's gotten us through many a math assignment since the boys have been in school.  


2.  Oral reports.  Those were my two most feared words in all my years of public and higher education.  I would have rather written five reports than to stand up in front of the class and present just one.


3.  Kickball.  I'm really not that un-athletic.  In fact, at home in my comfort zone I wasn't half bad but get me out there on the playground at school and I couldn't kick a ball three feet.  So needless to say, that whole business of lining everyone up while the two most athletic kids in the class chose their picks was not my idea of a good time.


4. Those classes where the teacher obviously just really didn't like his/her job and had no teaching skills to speak of so instead of actually teaching, had us take turns reading aloud from the text book.  I recall one class in middle school....Social Studies I think it was.  I had always made A's and B's before that class.  My mother was so shocked to see a D on my report card that I don't think she  knew whether to punish me or take me to the doctor.  


5.  I'm not a morning person so there were many, many days I found myself dozing off at my desk especially in those classes like the one I just mentioned in number four! 


6. Being called by my last name in P.E. and Band.... "My name is Diane, thank you very much!"   Which brings me to number seven...


7. My name is Paula Diane but no one ever called me Paula except of course at the DMV, the doctor's office and the teachers on the first day of school roll call which forced me to have to speak aloud in front of the class in order to correct her/him.  So by the time I got to middle school and had 6 plus teachers a day...well,  let's just say my comfort zone was completely demolished by the end of the day.  


8. The drama.  Okay, I'll admit, I could be a little overly dramatic at times.  Like say, if I scraped my knee or burned my finger or had to get a shot or didn't have a green shirt to wear on St. Patty's Day but the creation of drama just for the sake of creating it I have never, ever understood.  And middle school and high school are prime breeding grounds for DRAMA. 


9. The bus.  Luckily, neither of my boys seem to mind it though I am taking Dracen this year since his comes by the house at 6:45 (which is just all kinds of insane!) but the bus was not a fun place for the shy girl.  


10. The strict schedules. Come hell or high water (unless there is some extenuating circumstance beyond my control) I am going to be on time but monotonous schedules and routines, while I am fully capable of adhering to them, bore me to tears!  


And there you have it....ten reasons why I'm glad I'm done with school.  Now to get my two boys through the next 10 to 14 years of elementary, middle, high school and college.  But not that I'm in any hurry or anything.


Because we all know that while it seemed like forever until we grew up and got out on our own, the days and years go by way too fast when it comes to our babies...  

Slow down, you're going too fast!

Why does painting a room always end up taking way longer than I anticipate?  I spent the majority of my day, until 11:00 last night, painting Dracen's room...three walls "cosmic blue" and one wall "midnight hour", which is basically black.  He picked the colors and while I think we may be slightly off from the Duke blue he was aiming for, what's done is done and he seems pleased with it anyway.   


I should have learned my lesson after painting that bathroom red last year but somehow a full gallon of blue paint seemed like more than enough to paint three walls.  Nope.  No matter how hard I tried to squeeze every last drop out, I had to stop after one coat, throw some presentable clothes and a ball cap on and make a run for Lowe's.  Those dark colors get me every time.  


Next up is Devin's room but I think it will have to wait until tomorrow because the house is upside down, there's laundry to be done and the floors need cleaning in a bad way.  And it's looking like that no good stinking housecleaning fairy skipped my house again today.  The witch.  


And plus, Dracen is getting antsy about his school supplies.  We bought a new book bag the other day and now he wants his supplies to go in it which means I must endure the joys of the wonderful world of Wal-mart today too.  


School starts back here next Thursday and I know at least three of us who are gonna be out of sorts for a week or two.  We've gotten into the bad habit of sleeping in every morning (boys aren't up as I type this at 10:30 a.m.) and then the elementary school went and pulled that evil stunt of starting us at 7:35 this year.  Morning people really grate on my nerves.  


Devin is starting middle school which makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry if I spend too much time thinking about.  It seems like yesterday that I came home after dropping him off for his first day of second grade, feeling compelled to write a poem because he didn't want me to walk him in and as he got out of the car he told his little brother he'd miss him.  


Now his little brother is starting third grade and he's going to middle school, never to be in the same school together again since they are four years/grades apart. Where's the pause button?  This ride is going a little too fast for my taste.  


But oh what a good ride it is...

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."  ~Danny Kaye

My Week in Review: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

1. This is the last week of school here which means it is also my last week of semi-sanity for awhile.  There will be fighting, there will be bickering and there will be revocations of privileges.  Just keepin' it real. Does anyone have a good cocktail recipe?  


2. Devin graduates from elementary school this coming Thursday morning. How did this happen? I must have blinked too long.


3. Saturday afternoon I found a little stuffed lion soaking wet and sitting in the freezer.  My first thought was WTH?  My second thought was, this is a little disturbing. And my third thought was, this has The Dracenator written all over it!  

I put the poor little thing outside in the 90 degree heat to dry it out and asked Dracen about it when he got home Saturday night.  He flashed me his Curious George grin and told me that he was only trying to make its hair stand up.  


Well, that makes sense.


4. Devin came out of his batting slump in his last game of the season last week and hit a home run but he never cracked a smile.  He takes after me in this regard...not the home run hitting part (Pleeasse!) but the getting excited only on the inside part.  

5. Dracen made it into the Best of the Best mile run at school last Friday morning.  All that running from his brother has apparently paid off. 

6. I got a new laptop Saturday so now I don't have to hold my mouth just right and cock my head to the side to prevent the computer and myself from coming unplugged, shutting down and proceeding to throw around various substitutions for certain four letter words.  


7. I've started making my turkey sandwiches with whole wheat English muffins.  It's really good.  You should try it.  


8. I read that one of my quirks is considered an actual medical condition with a name... Involuntary Expression Disorder.  Well, that makes me feel better to know that I have an actual condition and am not just psycho for laughing when my child is screaming like a banshee and having to be held down by myself and three medical personnel in order to get a few immunizations.  Ha!  


After reading the description though, I have to say I am a mild case. I usually only laugh uncontrollably when I'm nervous and/or embarrassed, as opposed to when I'm giving my condolences at the funeral home.  Now that is psycho.  


9. I was informed last week during my time at second grade field day that next year our school board members have made the executive decision to move our school start time up from 7:50 a.m. to 7:35 a.m.  Have I mentioned that we are NOT morning people?!  


This is so not good and really and truly makes me want to go all gorilla on somebody!  


10. I stole that "go all gorilla" line from the Yogi Bear movie we rented Saturday.   But I would not recommend renting it based on that line alone because for the most part, it was straight up cheesy.


11. I pulled the boys' old baby shoes out of my closet and cried a little.  Growing up is bittersweet...